Thursday, August 27, 2009

Part III

Of course it's pink. Neon pink I might add!!! Unlike Bob's pink cast photo, I have no toes. How rude. I can't move in this freakin' thing.
The bathroom. Yes, I put roses in it!!!

A view from the kitchen sink.

Rob left a note a few nights ago. I'd just gotten my pink cast.


Today. I'm healing rapidly. I feel lucky. I wish my ankle would get with the program.


Sunday the 23rd. Waiting for my man to come back from the sea. NO, not really. I'm in the Target parking lot and he's shopping for paper towels while I try to figure out what the hell to do with my life.


Get off that damn slipcover!

A miracle. Both men and women take note. This was recommended by my Podiatrist and my cast tech. The stuff is insane. I was told to use it all around my eyes because I was so swollen and the concern was I'd get more wrinkles. I listened. I love it. You all know I have severe allergies and can't use a lot of stuff on my face. But this is perfect. No reaction what so ever. It's great. I suggest you slather your whole body with it!!! My cast tech said "Suzanne, if people used this in their 20's they'd have no wrinkles in their 50's." I agree!!! I paid about $7 in the hospital pharmacy, but noticed you can buy it at your local drug store on sale for about $5. Buy it.



Mr. M., this is for you. Apparently it isn't available in the UK or Australia yet, but it's hit here in the states. When I watch it I think of you. A singing doctor.
Now for some personal news. I think I'm in love with my Podiatrist. You all know how I love Seinfeld. Most of my cats are named after Seinfeld characters. There is a great scene with Newman (the postal worker) at the farm. The farmers daughter has fallen in love with Newman and upon Newman's exit she yells "NORMAN, I LOVE YOU!!!" That's why our cat was named Newman and why his nickname was Norman. I had to have X-rays Monday and a new cast. If any of you have watched "Scrubs," you know what I'm talking about. Podiatry is like Scrubs. The place is a freakin' hoot. Why? I don't know. They're just a bunch of comedians. I saw my Podiatrist and he's gorgeous, smart, funny and he loves me!!! And I love him. He said my X-rays looked beautiful. I said "Well, that's really nice, but I think you should know the truth. I use my cast like a walking cast." He looked at me a long time. He didn't speak. He just looked at me. I said "knock it off." Then I told him about the kitty. I left the front door open and Rusty ran outside. I ran out after him in just my flip flop and my cast. I got him quickly and headed back to the house only to discover the door had closed and it was locked. I was pissed. I went around to the slider in the back yard. I'd just watered so I was walking with my cast in water. The slider was locked. I went to the living room window. It was unlocked. I had to go back for the ladder. I got the ladder, opened the window and threw Rusty in. I was pissed. My cast was soaking wet. I was pissed. Did I mention I was pissed? I was pissed. I climbed in the living room window.
Dr. A looked at me a long time and then he spoke. He said "Are you from NY? You're from NY aren't you?" I replied with glee..."Yup upstate, Woodstock area, Hudson Valley, Catskills, home of Hiawhatha." The man was a gonner. One of the absolutely funniest moments of my life. We just connect on some stupid level. He said "Get the hell out of here. " How rude. My darling Dave, my cast guy had come to rescue me and I was hobbling out when I yelled "I love you Norman." The man nearly died!!! "I'll be back in 3 weeks to claim you. Wear a tux, we're getting hitched!" That in a nutshell is my life. And yes, I'm in love with my Podiatist. Trust me, you'd be too! I realize I'm not dead yet!!!
Love Suze
P.S. Oh, I forgot to mention this. When Dr. A asked if I was from NY I asked him why he'd ask that. He knocked me on the head with the papers in his hand and said "Because you're TROUBLE...just plain trouble." *Suze rolled eyes in head.* Rob used to say the same thing. I don't know what it is about the guys in my life and that word. Frankly, I think I'm pretty close to perfection!!!!!

43 comments:

the walking man said...

No I doubt I will love your podiatrist but you may have him seeing as I make no claim. :-p

Yes Suzanne you will need some physical therapy after the cast comes off to regain full range of motion. Can't have you with a limp now can we? Let's see, you're a pacifist vegetarian grown up near Woodstock in the mountains...ok then this means is you are no stranger to drugs.

1/2 hour before you go into a physical therapy session double the dose or get something with more juice, an opioid would be very good, (use the damn pain drugs damn it)because you will be forced and cajoled and talked to like a two year old until you comply.

Yes that shit does hurt, the joint has been immobile for 6-8 weeks by this time and it needs to be "broke free."

Not only will the amped up meds help you tolerate the PT they will help you tolerate being talked to like a recruit in boot camp.

When I fractured the left olecranon (elbow) joint (another fine story of a fight but this time it was a hurricane out to sea) I was casted for 6 months MONTHS...they told me I would lose up to fifty percent ROM...uhhh ok I was 20...I didn't know any better.

I got the cast off and stood in a hot shower thirty minutes a day (hey it was a Navy hospital) and forced the arm straight by putting the elbow to the wall and leaning my body onto it. Two weeks of Walking Man (before there was a Walking Man) therapy and now I have 100% ROM.

Can't baby that shit but you CAN medicate against it.


HIYA Megan

just bob said...

These pretzels are making me thirsty.

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

Why can't all doctors be cool like your podiatrist? Sure puts the patients minds at ease when they are. :)

That cast is stylin'! Love that it's hot neon pink!

The roses are beautiful... And look at you healing so nicely! ((HUGZ!))

I'm going on a hunt for that ointment... ;)

merelyme said...

Yea! It all sounds great!

I'd love to read the podiatrist's blog..."I met this woman..."

Suzanne said...

TWM

Thank you. Now I know I have him all to myself. He's a keeper!!! I think he might already be married. I'll have to check. Damn. I love that man!

Crap. Really? Ugh. You know I'm stuggling with this whole mess. PT, not good. I just want this to all be over. Oh well, I still have 2010 to look forward to.

Yes, I'm from the Woodstock area but I don't do drugs. Never have. I'm not even taking the heavy meds for this. I'm living on Advil. I know, not a good choice. I may have to amp it up a bit because I'm dying here!!!

Lots of love,
Me!

Suzanne said...

Bob,

Shut up.

Suzanne said...

Stacy,

Hi honey. Welcome. You're too funny.

God I hope I can marry that dude!!! But I think he's already married. Damn! We're so perfect for one another. No really, we are.

Honey, do I look better than I did last Thursday? Honest answer.

Get the ointment. I look less than 50 with it than without it. Really. Those guys all know something they're not sharing with the rest of the world.

XO darling and please don't hesitate to stop by.

I'm going to marry that man!!!

Suzanne said...

Merelyme,

Hi honey. You know what's so funny, I though about Dr P. She has my bog address. I know she's here, but never commets of course. YES I KNOW YOU'RE HERE!!!

When Dr. A seemed like a brother I thought "HAVE YOU BEEN READING MY BLOG?!!!" Has Dr. P been farming out my blog?!!! I think so. How else would Dr. A know so much about me.

I think he's married. A guy like that doesn't get away. I'll look at his ring finger next time and plan my next move!!! You know what's so funny baby, I realize I'm alive. I still have hope after all this shit. Dr. A made me realize I still want a wonderful life with a guy who makes me laugh. Perhaps not Dr. A, but somebody.

Love you darling. Happy Thursday!

XO

just bob said...

Who told you to put on the balm?

Suzanne said...

My gorgeous doctor and my gorgeous cast guy.

You're up early or I'm up late. The sun is coming up. A new day. Thursday. Let's celebrate!!! I need some freakin' coffee!!! Hi honey! Happy Thursday baby!

Buy that stuff. It's really terrific.

Love you,
Blottie

Leah said...

Hi sweetie. Just dropping in for a sec. I'll be back Tuesday--no internets upstate. Aquaphor is a miracle, I agree. I've used it on Hedgie since she was a toddler. It's great for everything under the sun, practically.

love love love and hugs

Suzanne said...

Leah,

Hi honey, I just wrote to you over at the Cafe. I'm late for the park so I gotta boogie. This will be short and sweet. Hi. Bye.

No, not really!!! Yes, I gotta get to the park, but "Hi baby!!!" I know what you're going through to post comments and I love you to bits. I can hardly wait to move back to NY and be near you. Hopefully with my Podiatrist in toe!!! I think I'm in love!

Hedgie should be perfectly glorious at 50. That stuff is a wee bit of a miracle. I suggest you use it too. Really, just slather it all over yourself! Look how plump my lips are. They weren't that plump two weeks ago. Trust me. Gotta go baby. I'm late for the park. Then I have to drive to Kaiser for a new cast. UGH. I walked straight out of my plastic bag the other day and right into a puddle of water. My cast won't dry. I think I'm starting to mildew. Seriously.

Happy Adirondacking!!! LOVE YOU :)

Megan said...

I wonder how many casts you will have by the time this is all over.

You are INCORRIGIBLE!

HIYA walking man

Suzanne said...

Megs,

I just knew the two of you would hit it off. You're perfect for one another. The Wedding Planner wheels in me are already in motion. God I love life!!! Unfortunately life doesn't love me! Damn.

Casts. Look, I have a plan. An artistic plan. I want a canvas about 6'x 6' with 6 casts mounted. Now you know they're cut in half, so that means 12. They come in Neon Pink, Neon Purple, Black and White. You bet your ass I'm going to get them all!!! By the time I'm done my darling Dave will not know what hit him, but I'll have a huge piece of wall art! Hey, I didn't go to college cuz I'm stupid! I love free stuff!

I should be at Kaiser right now having my cast replaced, but I'm not. Why? Because the guy is finally coming to replace the damn garbage disposal that Rob was supposed to fix over a year ago. I have to tidy the kichen for him. So why am I sitting here typing this? I'm stupid!!! What? There's no other answer. Trust me...I searched!

Love you darling. Keep your feet up!

XO ;)

just bob said...

Will I get invited to the blessed nuptials?

otin said...

Oh you are looking much better! I did not know that you were from NY? Which part? I remember you talking about the Catskills, I thought you were just visiting though! Your house is so decorative!!!

e said...

Speaking as one whose had lots of casts, crutches, PT, etc, the best way to deal is not to fight either the healing or the PT. Walking man is correct. Take your drugs and meditate through the pain of PT. It will get better with time. If you get exercises from the PT to do at home, do them. They help. Your podriatrist sounds wonderful!

Suzanne said...

Bob, you can be my date. I'm really easy in the dating department. Basically you just show up and I'll be ready!!! Or I'll show up and you be ready!!! See, that's how easy. No, I don't think big. I think small. Baby what are you going to wear. I'll try to match!!!

XO

P.S. I really think this might be the real deal. They'll ride away on a Harley. God forbid. And they aren't too old to have kids. We'll be an aunt and an uncle. Life is good baby!!! After the party lets go to San Francisco. There's a beautiful resturant on the water. I forget the name, but I'll know it when I see it because I've been there! We'll just eat and chat until the wee hours of morn. It's a good gig. You'll love it. And you'll be with me. That ain't half bad. I hope to be in my black cocktail dress with my black sligback. Of course I'll be wearing neon pink on my other foot. What? No honey, this isn't going away soon. Trust me. I'm in this for the long haul. *Suze buries head in lap and cries.*

Suzanne said...

Otin,

You f****** nutty? I'm from NY. My entire family lives there. I'm the only idiot who left.

Okay, it's official...

1)I'm from the Catskills.

2)Right around Woodstock to be exact.

3) You have definately not read my entire blog you lazy ass.

4) Ha!

5) What? No I'm not going to give you more. You don't deserve it.

6) Suze rolls eyes in head.

just bob said...

Suzy is easy... she said so!

Suzanne said...

e

I want to marry my Podiatrist. The guy is just pure sexy. He made me realize I'm still alive!!! Honestly, I didn't think I was, but I am!

I will do everything I'm told. You know why baby? Because I can't do this ever again. I want this phase of my life over. This is a nightmare.

Love you darling. XO

Suzanne said...

Bob,

Knock it off. Did you read anything else? I am easy. I'm the easiest date you'll ever have. And by the way, you'll have a blast because I'm not too complicated. But screw up and life can get very complex.

What?

XO

Kathleen said...

Thanks for the Aquaphor tip. Another friend swears by it, too.

Suzanne said...

Kathleen,

It's terrific. I know. Thanks for stopping by darling. Visit any time!

XO

Skeeter said...

Hi Suzanne,

Oh dear, I just talked to Bindi and she told me that you had an accident and had been injured. I haven't been keeping up lately, oh dear! Hope you aren't in too much pain and that you continue to have a speedy recovery.

Best wishes,

Skeeter

k said...

otin,
i thought i would fill you in on the oher important stuff you need to know
she doesnt wear underwear
she loves green
she was a 12B until she updated to a 14D (insert your choice of size here, i dont remember and she doesnt wear a bra)
she always wears a pink baseball cap

what are friends for??

kylie

Suzanne said...

Ms K. Can you believe she reads my blog and actually pays attention. Ya gotta love a woman who notices all the details!!!!!!! Merci, tu es tres gentil. (Probably only Leah can understand this!!!) Kylie, get over here and let me give you a big old hug. God you're the best woman!!! I have no idea who I'm writing to. I guess I'm just putting this out there.

Okay...

1) It's true, I hate underwear. I understand the idea conceptually and think they're really pretty, I just don't understand why anyone bothers. And I certainly don't understand why any woman would wear a string up her ass to attract a guy. That's just nutty.

2) I do love green. It's a very soothing color. No not Celtic green, something more gentil. Mot du jour! Like seafoam green. Blue~green. Think of the ocean. That's my kinda green.

3) This is a funny story. Before I left NY for Rob and college I had two little brothers and a little sister who managed to crack me up every single day. Mom brought in a load of laundry from the dryer and threw it on the sofa one day. My little brother, all of about 4 years old said, and I quote..."Bras, bras, bras." Damn, that's still funny. I don't know why, but to me that's just stupid funny even after 30 years!!! It just never gets old.

Look, I love bras. I think they're beautiful. I just can't find one to fit me easily. Bras make me nutty. So I don't bother. There aren't enough hours in my day to figure out bras. Seriously.

I have no idea what Kylies numbers mean. Honestly, I think she's mocking me. I just remember always being one size then discovering I was another. That's probably why I can't find a damn bra that fits. Most women would be greatful to upsize, me, no because it just gets more complicated. There aren't enough hours in my day for this sort of stupidity. Okay, it's official...I hate bras!!!


4) I do love a pink baseball cap. The older the better. The more faded the better. A very pale shade of pink. You know, the look after about 100 washes. What? Yes, stuff like that matters.

Kylie is a dear friend and only she would know me better than I know me!!! Ha!

Suzanne said...

Skeeter,

Hi honey. I'm okay. Well, not really. I'm in agony!!! But things are looking up. It's funny you write because I thought of you this morning on the way to the park. Two guys were on really beautiful motorcycles next to me. I thought of you and your brother.

Hope all is well darling. I think of you often. And just so you know, the motorcycles were BMW's. Yes, they were gorgeous.

XO

kylie said...

i dont understand how you dont wear knickers!
nope, i would not wear a g string for any fella
nor do i get how the fellas like them

ocean green is always gorgeous, no matter which one it is and the ocean comes in a multitude of greens

you should hear my bra story but i'm too tired now

email your number woman. i can get a card to ring you for 5 hours for $10 or something ridiculous. now imagine talking to me for 5 hours!!

i'm goin to bed

ciao

the walking man said...

Excuse me for saying this but if you are not medicating the pain you still are not doing your body right. Pain meds mimic endorphins and epinephrine which are the bodies way of masking pain. Sometimes the brain, especially in trauma can not manufacture enough to overcome the pain.

You will not become addicted and it will not mask your Zen like sense of inner self to take the damn drugs.

So stop the nonsense and take the Vicodin or whatever cousin was prescribed. I promise you won't turn into a stoner.

Suzanne said...

Kylie,

You're gonna die. You're a mom, so you know mom shit. We lived near school, so always walked. But if we were REALLY, REALLY late, Mom or Dad had to drive us. I can't remember why we were late, but we were all packed in the green station wagon and heading down Piney Point Road. Why Mommy stopped at the turn, I don't know. I just remember being out of the car and hearing these words..."Suzanne, where's your slip?" I was 17. I knew how to dress and I hated under garments!!! Back home we went to get a damn slip. We were so late for school. She didn't notice I wasn't wearing underwear. HA!!! My sisters all knew, but they didn't say a word!

Kylie, I can't stand all the layers of "stuff." God, how do people wear so much stuff. I can't do it. Yes, I do think knickers are pretty, but I can't wear them. I can't.

XO God I loved you!!!

Suzanne said...

TWM

Ha! You sound like my doctor. He said to try half a vocodin. Just try. I'm going to because I'm in agony. This crap hurts. This is no joke. It just hurts. It's nasty crap.

You know why I won't use pain meds? Because I am a divocee. Living alone scares the hell out of me. Waking up in a pool of blood did a number on me. I've never been so scared in my life. I want to be in the moment at all times.

Love you darling. Happy Friday. :)

the walking man said...

Love me later...Take the damn drugs now and if you feel insecure call someone to come stay with you while you get used to them.

Chances are you will not even get drowsy but will feel some relief with 250mg Vicodin. (personally I would take a whole one but I am fairly certain a half would give you some relief.)

They are ok just do not crush it up and put it up your nose and you'll be good to go.

I take 1000mg when the old neuro-stimulator implant fails to do what it's designed to do.

OF course the thing aches, throbs, hurts like a son of a bitch...bones do not like to be broken and they rebel by sending pain signals to a brain that accepts whatever is sent.

TAKE THE PRESCRIBED MEDS SUZANNE not all drugs are evil.

Suzanne said...

TWM

Ugh. I've had better days. Just had to have my cast replaced again. Insane.

I will use the big guns. I can't continue like this. A broken ankle is too serious to fool around with Advil. How can it hurt this much...it's just a freakin' bone!!!

Thanks for the advice darling. You made me think. I can't go on like this. You made me realize I can't be stupid forever!!!! Of course I love you!

XO

Suzanne said...

My little kitten is hangin' on my cast. That's too funny. She's the one who cause all this.

Cinnamon said...

Listen to Walking Man and e, Suze!-they know what they're talkng about :)

Cece said...

Frankly, I agree with Rob and Dr. A. T-R-O-U-B-L-E Travis Tritt must have been singing about you when he made that song.

Suzanne said...

Cinnamon,

You think?! Hope your having a beautiful day darling. I just returned from the market and used the motorized cart. That things a damn hoot. I almost mowed down a pedestrian in a cast. Yes, there were witnesses!!! None of us could stop laughing. You break a damn bone and you become stupid funny. I'm going to use that cart every chance I get. Whoopie!!!

XO

P.S. I'll listen to those two. They're wiser than I am and apprently well versed in the use of pain killers!!! Who knew this stupid thing would hurt so much?

Suzanne said...

Cece,

HA!!! That's just damn funny. I couldn't believe Dr. A has the same sense of humor as Rob. Obviously I'm attracted to a certain sort of guy. First and formost he has to be FUNNY!!! Then smart. Then cute. Really, you can't be funny without being smart. It takes a wee bit of talent. And can you believe he called me T.R.O.U.B.L.E? That is simply too funny. That was Rob's favorite name for me. I have no idea why. I think I'm a Saint. Look at my profile, don't you think I'd look good cast in marble and placed near a church or town square?

Love you darling. Happy Saturday. I'd call but I'm in too much pain. I actually wrote I'm "in too much paint." Yes, I am an artist!!!
XO to all :)

Suzanne said...

Foremost is spelled foremost isn't it? I know. Hey, I'm only human.

XO

bindhiya said...

Dear Suze,
am trying to stay away from all this pain... you being so bad than even serene.. serene know how to take care of her wounds... I cannot see you or anyone in pain..
I got selected for RN but i can't see people in pain.. so go for public health..
please take care of yourself...only you can do that.
love & ((hugs))
bindi

Suzanne said...

Bindi, you crack me up. Oh, so a flu epidemic is easier than a broken ankle? Woman, you're killin' me!!!

Baby, why does this hurt so much. Who knew a broken bone would cause such agony.

XO

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