Changes...

My darling nephew Alan is flying out in a few days to take care of old Aunt Suzy. But he can only stay three weeks because he has a big bike race to attend. Somehow I have to get well in three weeks! That's funny because this cast is going to be on for months and months. Hummmmmmmmmmmm. Damn.

I realize the more I write the less friends visit. Oh well. I'm just going to keep writing. I don't really care. I'll get through this crap one way or another. Alone if necessary and writing. I guess you always have to be happy to get comments on Blogger. I'm not happy. I'm in agony. My damn foot is broken and life is very complicated. I guess that's not good enough. Oh well.

Alan's coming out in a few days.

I walked out of Taget one morning and saw this. It had been a really challenging morning at home and at the park and you all know me, I'm not religious, but I think God was aware I was having difficulty. It was a way to remind me to walk with an open heart, no matter what.

This has been another hard day, filled with numerous challenges. I was late to the park and when I tried to start Black Beauty she kept quitting. My worst nightmare. I drove her up the street but turned around before coming to the light. I knew she wouldn't make it. I pulled back in the driveway and started her a few more times. No luck keeping her going. I softly touch the steering wheel as I often do and said to God, "Please help me." And then I said to St. Francis, "Please don't do this to me." I called Rob. He was with a client and headed into court. He couldn't help me but said he come after court. I called my MIL. She was ill and out of it. She couldn't help at all. I sat for what seemed like a long time and just asked for help. I started the car and she ran. The sound was different so I knew I was okay. I made it to the park and back home. Being at the park today was hard. My foot hurt so much and I was struggling to manage, but I saw a dear young homeless friend and found courage. He teaches me wonderful lessons about life and I'm so honored to know him. When days seem hard, my homeless friends remind me that my life is beautiful and so do my darling feral cats

I arrived home and within minutes the doorbell rang. It was my neighbor's son. My neighbor is a very elderly gentleman and his son has come to live with him. His son is probably 55. If he's 50 he looks way the hell older than me!!! He informed me they had reported me to the water department for flooding their lawn. I've learned from Rob to not react. To be a diplomat, so I listened and didn't speak. Hummmmmmmmm. He said "You're watering every day and flooding our lawn." I had no idea what the hell he was talking about because you know I only water the back yard once or twice a week. It seemed like such an odd conversation and I just spoke very little and listened. When I said "I only watered on Saturday and yes, I fell asleep, so your yard probably flooded, but other than that, I have no idea what you're talking about." He said "Maybe you have a leak." I replied "No, I'd notice something like that." I was very nice. I didn't overreact, I didn't get upset. I just felt puzzled. He wasn't terrible kind and kept telling me I had to stop watering every day because my irrigating was flooding his father's yard. I thanked him for stopping by.

I called Rob. He was in court. You can't have a phone on in court, so he walked out. I told him the story and said we'd probably be fined because I wanted him to be prepared, but it didn't make sense. We've had to go over and tell our elderly gentleman to turn off his water on way to many occasions. He would flood our yard all the time. And when I'm up at night his irrigation system is ALWAYS on. Every single night. Even Monday night and no one is supposed to water in Sacramento on Monday. And then it comes on almost every single morning. Even on days he isn't supposed to water. Rob and I realized their flooding their own damn yard and don't even know. His moron son comes over to blame me and I've done nothing wrong. It's them!!! They're flooding their own damn yard. And they've reported me for doing nothing wrong.

There are days that are challenging. Rob said "Don't worry, we'll take care of it." Yes, I'm sitting here shaking my head. It's so stupid it's almost too hard to believe.

Of course I want to go over an tell him, but we're just going to deal with the water department instead. It's so mind bogglingly stupid.

XO

A kitty and his roses...

Remember all the beautiful stuff about life.

The side yard.

It was all pea gravel, but I decided to plant it.

Before I leave I have to say a few things. Kylie. Cinnamon and TWM...you crack me up!!!

Kylie called me tonight. One of the best phone calls ever. If you ever get a phone call from Australia, answer it. It's a gift. Her voice is Heaven. If you've ever spoken to Cece, you know how beautifully words leave her mouth. Kylie's the same, just different. Her Australian accent is to die for. It's just so, so beautiful . I had to stop her some times in mid sentence just to say "You're voice is so beautiful." And it is. I don't really know how to explain it. You have to hear it to understand. Talking to her was so lovely. I recommend it!!!

I'm stuggling with my ankle. It's very painful. I'm thinking of having my nephew fly out to help because I'm basically left to handle everything on my own and it's hard. My sister said he'd get on a plane in an instant. Moms and dads out there, maybe you can offer some advice. Alan is a gorgeous kid. All my nieces and nephews are stunningly beautiful. I'm afraid he'll arrive and get so caught up in the California lifestyle he'll completely ignore me!!! Of course I'm laughing. I can just hear him say "Yup, I'm taking care of my aunt for rent!!!" But not really. Rent free of course, but no taking care of Aunt Suzy!! What should I do? I need help

XO

I'm leaving for a while. Take care.

XO

Frame It Out...

I have three amazing younger brothers. One is a master carpenter. Whenever I have construction questions I call him and he always says the same thing, "Suzy, you know what to do." He thinks just because I studied architecture for so long I have all the answers. I don't. That's why I rely on him!!! I had a grate problem a few years ago. I needed to replace it, but the grate available at Home Depot was too small. I called Wayne. "Honey, what do I do?" His reply, "Frame it out." Hummmmmmmm. I hadn't thought of that!!!

He was absolutely right. I purchased all my supplies and T-Bone and I got ready to roll.

I actually loved the new look. It went with the door frame. See how I made everything match perfectly!!! Oh, that's just primer. I still have to paint.

No kitty was lost.

Who you talkin' to!?

Shabby Chic slip covers when they still actually functioned as slip covers. Now they look like a piece of crap!

Wayne, I love you my darling brother. Look how pretty. God I love primer!

I know. Lovely. Yes, I did that!!!

XO

Rest In Peace...

You know how you don't remember much before you were five. I remember JFK's funeral. I watched it with my grandmother. I think I was four. I remember every detail. I remember my grandmother crying. A few years later I watch her cry when Bobby was buried. I'm very liberal. My grandmother was very conservative, but loved the Kennedys. She, like so many others had hope and faith that they would make the world better. With each death I witnessed her sorrow. I was just a kid, but for some reason I understood. And then Teddy came along and change the way the world works. I grew up as a child of the 60's and 70's. I remember segregation and always asking "WHY?" I couldn't understand for the life of me and it caused me so much pain. My grandmother always reminded me "It will change in your lifetime, but probably not in mine." It did change in her lifetime. It did. I remember with fondness the legislation that change the face of America. My grandmother hugged me so tight I could barely breath. She whispered in my ear, "I love Teddy." I hope he heard her and all the women who spoke that day.

I watched the Memorial yesterday, and today I watched the funeral. I cried because my grandmother would have been so proud of all his achievements. He honored and loved women, children, animals, everyone. He championed all of us and I'm so grateful he was part of my life. I hung my flag in his honor and when I left to go to the market a while ago I was amazed when I saw a street lined with flags. Almost every house has one. One has a big one and tons of little ones lining the pathway with a huge sign "We Love You Teddy!!!" I can't imagine this is the only street in America with flags flying in honor of a truly amazing man. But this is my street, my memory, my grandmother, my Teddy. I'm so grateful he graced my life and changed the face of America. Less than 40 years ago many white people did not respect Black America. Everything changed in the 60's. Everything. Thank God for forward thinking people. Thank God.

Rest in peace my dear, dear man.

XO

Part III

Of course it's pink. Neon pink I might add!!! Unlike Bob's pink cast photo, I have no toes. How rude. I can't move in this freakin' thing.

The bathroom. Yes, I put roses in it!!!

A view from the kitchen sink.

Rob left a note a few nights ago. I'd just gotten my pink cast.

Today. I'm healing rapidly. I feel lucky. I wish my ankle would get with the program.

Sunday the 23rd. Waiting for my man to come back from the sea. NO, not really. I'm in the Target parking lot and he's shopping for paper towels while I try to figure out what the hell to do with my life.

Get off that damn slipcover!

A miracle. Both men and women take note. This was recommended by my Podiatrist and my cast tech. The stuff is insane. I was told to use it all around my eyes because I was so swollen and the concern was I'd get more wrinkles. I listened. I love it. You all know I have severe allergies and can't use a lot of stuff on my face. But this is perfect. No reaction what so ever. It's great. I suggest you slather your whole body with it!!! My cast tech said "Suzanne, if people used this in their 20's they'd have no wrinkles in their 50's." I agree!!! I paid about $7 in the hospital pharmacy, but noticed you can buy it at your local drug store on sale for about $5. Buy it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oPgbHV4kUGo

Mr. M., this is for you. Apparently it isn't available in the UK or Australia yet, but it's hit here in the states. When I watch it I think of you. A singing doctor.

Now for some personal news. I think I'm in love with my Podiatrist. You all know how I love Seinfeld. Most of my cats are named after Seinfeld characters. There is a great scene with Newman (the postal worker) at the farm. The farmers daughter has fallen in love with Newman and upon Newman's exit she yells "NORMAN, I LOVE YOU!!!" That's why our cat was named Newman and why his nickname was Norman. I had to have X-rays Monday and a new cast. If any of you have watched "Scrubs," you know what I'm talking about. Podiatry is like Scrubs. The place is a freakin' hoot. Why? I don't know. They're just a bunch of comedians. I saw my Podiatrist and he's gorgeous, smart, funny and he loves me!!! And I love him. He said my X-rays looked beautiful. I said "Well, that's really nice, but I think you should know the truth. I use my cast like a walking cast." He looked at me a long time. He didn't speak. He just looked at me. I said "knock it off." Then I told him about the kitty. I left the front door open and Rusty ran outside. I ran out after him in just my flip flop and my cast. I got him quickly and headed back to the house only to discover the door had closed and it was locked. I was pissed. I went around to the slider in the back yard. I'd just watered so I was walking with my cast in water. The slider was locked. I went to the living room window. It was unlocked. I had to go back for the ladder. I got the ladder, opened the window and threw Rusty in. I was pissed. My cast was soaking wet. I was pissed. Did I mention I was pissed? I was pissed. I climbed in the living room window.

Dr. A looked at me a long time and then he spoke. He said "Are you from NY? You're from NY aren't you?" I replied with glee..."Yup upstate, Woodstock area, Hudson Valley, Catskills, home of Hiawhatha." The man was a gonner. One of the absolutely funniest moments of my life. We just connect on some stupid level. He said "Get the hell out of here. " How rude. My darling Dave, my cast guy had come to rescue me and I was hobbling out when I yelled "I love you Norman." The man nearly died!!! "I'll be back in 3 weeks to claim you. Wear a tux, we're getting hitched!" That in a nutshell is my life. And yes, I'm in love with my Podiatist. Trust me, you'd be too! I realize I'm not dead yet!!!

Love Suze

P.S. Oh, I forgot to mention this. When Dr. A asked if I was from NY I asked him why he'd ask that. He knocked me on the head with the papers in his hand and said "Because you're TROUBLE...just plain trouble." *Suze rolled eyes in head.* Rob used to say the same thing. I don't know what it is about the guys in my life and that word. Frankly, I think I'm pretty close to perfection!!!!!

A Walk Down Memory Lane or Suzy Gets KO'd By A Two Pound Kitty: Part II

August 14th-wee hours of morn August 15th. Yup, it's broken (right ankle). That's the fibula, and I might add, the fattest part. When I break something I don't mess around.

August 15th (Saturday) . My darling first cast. I miss her. She was softer and easier to walk on because she was, well, a soft cast. No, of course I wasn't supposed to walk on her, but had to many times. She was applied the night of the "incident" to get the swelling down and prepare for the hard cast (oh joy). We said our goodbyes 3 days later. I do miss her so. However, I don't miss looking at my swollen, purple toes!

August 16th (Sunday). Back to the ER. Before going I tried to get more blood out of my hair, but it was hard. My wound had started bleeding through the liquid stitches and swelled . Not good. I was also in tremendous pain. Trust me, I feel as bad as I look.

August 17th (Monday). I need a tan! They don't make a cast with plaster anymore, instead they use fiberglass. Did you know that? I didn't. I thought I was going to have to lug around 10 lbs. of plaster, but instead I'm only dealing with a 3 lb. cast and it's custom!!! Yup, molded right to every little curve I have. Painfully so. Fortunately my bone didn't have to be set, it simply had to be pushed in and held in position while the cotton and fiberglass dried. Pleasant? NO, OF COURSE NOT!!! You nuts?!

~

Monday the 24th I go back for x-rays through the cast. If everything's fine, the cast stays on 4 more weeks. It's then removed, more x-rays are taken and 1 of 3 things will happen: 1) I'll go into a walking cast, 2) The cast will go back on, or 3) Surgery. I'm hoping for the walking cast, but I haven't been a very good patient because I'm always on my feet and not using my crutches enough. Monday's x-rays are very important, so cross your fingers.

~

However beautiful this cast is, Monday it's being removed and a new one put on. This one is killing me - something's wrong.

August 18th (Tuesday). I decided to chronicle the healing process. Yes, it's true, I look like crap, but give me some credit, I removed most of the blood before taking this photo for you (and I was told not to, but I could tell doing so wouldn't impact the scar). You're welcome. For God sakes, DO NOT enlarge this photo. Trust me, this is big enough! And yes, I feel as bad as I look. And yes, OF COURSE I have wrinkles, I'm 50. :)

August 19th (Wednesday). Still unable to wash my hair or face because I can't get water on the liquid stitches or the "glob" you see will melt away. My instructions were "Try to keep it on at least a week." Most of my photos were taken in the afternoon, so the swelling isn't too bad around my eyes, but I swear to God there were mornings I'd get up and my eyes were so swollen I couldn't see my feet!

Same day. Nasty. Oh, and my lip hurts too. And my foot's killing me.

August 20th (Thrusday). The stitch glue has come off and as you can see the top portion of the cut is healing beautifully, but the bottom, not so good. I was told in the ER during the second visit that I've developed a hemotoma (that's the big bump you see). A hemotoma is a sac of blood that developes to protect the body from internal bleeding or can be the result of hemorraging. Apparently mine is there to protect me from a brain injury. It should be absorbed into my body over time, but if not, believe it or not, will have to be surgically removed. In the meantime it's managed to pull my cut apart and cause more bleeding. What?! Of course I'm laughing. *Suze looks up to the sky and yells "Hey God, if you exists, cut me some freakin' slack!"*

Friday, August 21st. Still haven't washed my hair because my ankle hurts too much and I'm exhausted, but my face is starting to look and feel much better. Did you notice the improvements? Come on, look harder!

~

Do you realize a little over a year ago I didn't have a single scar on my face? What's this now, number 4? 3 kitties, 1 tree limb and 4 concussions later, I'm still standin' baby!!!

~

Love you all and thanks for your support and well wishes. I have the best blogging friends!

~

XO Suze

Suzy Get's KO'd By A Two Pound Kitten: Part I

Guilty

~

I think my last entry on Blogger was to Random Chick and 10:20 pm Friday the 14th. The kittens were racing through the house as I got up to make tea and rather than run down the hallway as they had been, the first one made a sharp right into my office. It all happen so quickly, I barely remember how it happened. I just remember trying to get out of the way so I wouldn't hurt her and then I remember intense pain and the hardwood floor. When I woke up I was laying in something and felt very confused and was in pain. I got up, turned on the overhead light and realized I'd been lying in a pool of blood probably 3ft x 2ft. It looked like a crime scene and I was very scared. I looked at my clothes and I was covered in blood, my hair was matted to my head and could feel blood still running down my face. I started for the bathroom and was in agony. There was something wrong with my foot and the pain was excruciating. I got to the mirror and couldn't believe my eyes. I was covered in blood and I still didn't even know why and I didn't know where the blood was coming from. I cleaned my face enough to discover a huge gash from above my eyeblows, down my nose and across part of my cheek. I held a washcloth to it, but I couldn't get it to stop bleeding. I got to the kitchen to get paper towels to clean up all the blood. I was crying, the animals were all obviously traumatized and I was very confused. Then I remembered the kitten, trying to get out of the way and the floor, but that's all I could remember and that's all I can remember even now. I thought I'd hit the floor and went unconscious. I tried to clean up all the blood but couldn't do it because I was in so much pain and I knew I had to get to the emergency room. I called Rob and asked him to come immediately and help me clean up and get to the hospital. That was just after 11 pm and he had left here at around 9pm. We were scared I'd been unconscious for almost 2 hours because I wasn't aware my last blog entry was at 10:20. The man flew here. I sat against the dishwasher, waited and sobbed surrounded by animals who love me very much.

When Rob arrived and saw the scene I know he was scared. I tried to help him clean up, but my foot hurt too much. He told me to get dressed, we were going to the hopital immediately. I turned on the shower. He said, "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?" I said "I can't going looking like this. I have to get some of this blood out of my hair." "SUZANNE, IT'S THE EMERGENCY ROOM. THEY DON'T CARE WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE." I got in the shower with blood streaming down my face and standing on one foot. I felt so sick I lasted all of about 1 minute. I got out as much blood as possible and that was it. My hair was still matted with blood, I didn't brush my hair, didn't dry it, put it in a bun, got dressed and we left.

I was rushed right in upon entering the hospital and the doctor came very quickly. Rob said I couldn't have hit the floor with they type of gash I had and the doctor agreed. They agreed I'd hit the corner of the wall and then fallen to the floor and was probably unconscious before I landed. I couldn't remember the wall, just insane pain. The concern was swelling on the brain and being unconscious for so long some of the blood had congealed on the floor and in my hair. Also, my ankle was getting bigger by the minute. Rob was hoping it was a sprain, but I was convinced it was broken. I was given a ct scan within minutes and then had x-rays. The doctor returned to inform us I obviously had a concussion, the ct scan revealed I didn't have any liquid intruding on my brain (THANK GOD) and we were all very relieved, but the x-rays showed a broken ankle. A broken Fibula to be exact. I'd have to wear a soft cast for 3-7 days until the swelling went down, then a hard cast for 6-8 weeks.

Then it was time to stitch my face, but I was still bleeding so badly he wasn't able. I had to hold a compress on it for over a half hour before it stopped. The doctor had planned on conventional stitches, but at the last minute decided to use liquid stitches (sorta like glue) to cause minimal scarring (in hindsight this wasn't the best idea).

Obviously it's been a diffucult, painful week and unfortunately it isn't over yet. It's going to be a long, long haul.

I'll write Part II with photos maybe later this evening if I feel up to it.

XO Suze

P.S. Cece, this is why I didn't call (just for safetly purposes, next time call Rob when you don't hear from me)! And yes, Leah, I'll get my email address to you as soon as possible. And Walking Man, I still have Whitman, and Em, I swear to God I have a package! I try, I really do.

Twins, Separated At Birth...

That's my blogging friend Otin.

That's my blogging friend Travis.

~

As an artist I can spot similaries in an instant. This one cracks me up.

XO
~

But you know me. I wish the fish got away.

A Dogs Devotion To Teddy Bears...

After finding the first gorgeous bear, I realized I couldn't give it to him. Then I tried with the second. Nope still couldn't. Then the third. Nope. I tried, trust me. Don't look at me like that! I knew how much T-Bone loved his previous teddy, so I tried. And yes, I felt very guilty because he would just sit at the bookcase and look up every day hoping and praying for a miracle. Well, I don't know how it happened, but I suspect a kitty was involved because one day I arrived home from the park and there he was with Molasses. Apparently miracles do happen at Rose Cottage!!!

Best friends. Whoops looks like Molasses is already missing some vital parts. What happened to your eye pumpkin?!" "Oh, and your nose looks like you might need surgery."

"I wub you so, so much Mawassus."

"Are you sweepy Mawassus?" "Me too."

I walked into the living room to find her relaxing. Alone. A girl needs alone time. You know I'm not a fan of cheap ribbon, but I'll tell you something, that's some damn fine cheap ribbon!!! I keep tying a bow and T-Bone keeps picking poor Molasses up by it and shaking his head violently. Before you know it she's bouncing off boths sides of his head and her bow's untied again, but look at it, it still looks like new.

Walked down the hall to find this on the rug. "Girl, you just take some more me time! "

Then, this was the best. I woke one night and went to the kitchen for water, only to find her. I LMAO!!!!! I told her, "Don't worry honey, you'll be fine by morning."

~

XO!

Next post, kittens!

P.S. I'll respond to the comments below in the next few days. I had to post something new because that one was making me cry too much! Thanks for all the beautiful comments. XO ;)

A Remarkable Morning...

Those of you who know me, know I feed ferals at this park every morning. Something happened this morning that just killed me. I drive in and feed the birds first to keep them from the kitty food, then feed the kitty near my car and then the skunks just across the way to keep them from the kitty food. I often tell you all how close I am to skunks and I'm not kidding. Do you believe me? Probably not, but it's true.

As I was feeding everyone near the car, a couple was walking down the bike trail. Then a skunk ran across because he wanted food. I told him to knock it off and away we went into the little clearing in the woods where I feed him and his friends. I was surrounded by 5 skunks within inches. Literally. Maybe 6 inches at most. That's my life. The couple walked past and stopped to look. The husband said "Oh my God." I got up and walked out and said "I know, aren't they lovely?" And he said "Do you realize how special you are?" His wife was obviously Japanese and he was SO zen and he said a word in Japanese I didn't understand. He said "you are gifted and it is such an honor to see you with all of them. Do they ever spray you?" I replied "No." And he said again, "I'm honored to see this and he clasp his palms and he bowed, and I did too. What he did was out of absolute respect and I was so humbled I started to cry. It is an honor to be bowed to. It is the ultimate respect in Buddhism. I took Hatha Yoga for some time and we always ended our class with palms joined, bowing to our teacher out of absolute respect..

In Buddhism, the joining of palms has very symbolic meaning. You're acknowledging the shared essence of the Self and other beings. It is a sign of utmost respect. In Yoga it literally means "The light within me honors the light within you." When I started to cry both immediately came and embraced me. We all wish one another a happy life and walked away. I still had to walk up the bike trail and into the woods to feed the other ferals and skunks and birds. But I never stopped crying. I cried while there, I cried on the walk back to the car, I cried in the car, I cried at the market and the gas station. I'm still crying. Today, I was paid the highest honor and I think I'm writing this so I never forget it actually happened.
~
XO to all

Ambivalent...

Rob has a buyer. Someone from the San Francisco Bay Area. So he stopped by today and cleaned Black Beauty up then drove her to a parking lot, stuck some printer paper over the license plate and began the photo shoot.

These are just a few of the photos.

I love her very much because she's seen me through tons of crap and my butt fits perfectly in that seat. She embraced me when the BMW was a gonner after hitting that stupid Mustang. Will this guy buy her? Yes. But I don't want him to. I don't want her to leave me. Yes, I know she's just a car, but she's so much more than just a car and I don't know how to explain it.

Actually, yes I do. I have always, always, always been a woman of independant means, until recently. I've made all the decisions about my life and enjoyed every minute. Now I'm not in control, through no fault of my own, and I'm in agony. Losing Black Beauty is simply a reminder I'm not in control. I'd never sell her. Really, I wouldn't. I mean, look at her, she's adorable!

~

XO

This is an older photo and I apologize! Too tired to take a new one!
~
Yes, it's true, I'm 50 today. I'm uncertain about 50. I talked to my mom and MIL yesterday and they told me to embrace it because the "best is yet to be." What the hell are they smoking?

XO

Insomnia...

I've been lucky. Always slept like a baby. Until recently. Menopause is going to kill me. I've become a night owl and I'm pissed.

This is often what my night looks like now. A good magazine, a lavender sachet (calming), cat food, a cat, lip balm and what the hell is that? Coffee?!!!! No wonder I'm up!

Beauty found in the wee hours of morn.

XO

P.S. Oh, and hedges. Look at that. You realize the hedge is supposed to be around the bottom of the flag. I let it grow because the bloom is so fragrant. What? I did trim it back a bit so the kitties could see out the windows.