Friday, May 29, 2009
The "hills are alive my ass." Momma always told me there'd be days like these. Strange days indeed...
Black Beauty and I were traveling down Greenback Blvd (no, trust me, this ain't it!) thinkin' if I just run a few more errands I can ease off the ass pedal tomorrow (I'm exhausted). Yes. The famous words of a moron. But I got all the kitty food, found some wonderful food for humans at the discount store and headed to Safeway for "real" stuff. Whoop...missed the street. Okay, so in 90 degree weather in a car throwing heat from every orifice (if you read my blog you know Black Beauty has heating issues) and no air conditioning, I headed to the next familar block to drive up and around and head a few extra miles BACK to Safeway. Oh...lucky, lucky me. Got behind a guy doing about 25 in a 40mile/hour zone. I had less than a few blocks to go and actually though, "Why bother?" But I did. I got around him and pulled into the middle lane behind a Brinks truck and planned to pull back into the inner lane to turn left on San Juan, or something or other. However. Life had different plans.
Yes, this is real. Remember when I was "numb and tingling?" This is what was recorded. It was in the ozone layer today. Trust me.
Oh...this is just a precusor!
I had my crystals knocked around, and trust me, not by Ohno.
And we didn't enjoy this today. Man, my grout needs to be cleaned. Oh right, HGTV is forever telling me I need "GRANITE." Leave me alone. I'm so sick of hearing it. Realtors and HGTV are in cahoots to homongenize every freakin' household in America. And yes, I'm aware Ohno has flower issues.
Excuse me. I digress. "No don't!!!" I haven't made it to the DMV yet!!! (The gardener in me wants to run over there and tell the homeowner "A nice shrub will hide the meters and make your home more attractive.")
Not sense the BMW met it's Mustang match.
Oh that. Hummmmmmmmmmmmmm. Let me tell you a little story. I was behind a Brinks truck thinking "Oh God I wish I had all that money" when he speeded up and I speeded up with him. What a joy ride. Then I saw it. A yellow light. Hummmmmmmmmmmmm. I could have slammed on the brakes with the BMW and she would have responded. The Mercedes? No. Not in a million years. I'd end up in Arkansas. Trust me, there was no way to stop in Black Beauty, so I gunned it. I was a third of the way through the intersection when I saw a flash. I thought it was the sun reflecting off the Brinks truck. I felt lucky. Then I didn't. I had a cop car in back of me with, and I quote "top of the line LED lights...strobe. Could it get worse? Yup!
I pulled into a parking lot to get away from the riff-raff and to spare myself the embarassment. You know me. I'm very modest and half smart. Why suffer when you don't have to!!! The officer was too kind. He approached the car and the first words out of my mouth, "swear to God..."I know what I've done. I just knew the Mercedes couldn't stop in time."And you all know that's the honest truth. No way!!! She's so, so different from the BMW. And he laughed. And that was it. We hit it off. He asked if I'd seen the "flash." I said no. Thought it was a reflection, but now know it wasn't. He said "I can write you a ticket." I asked what the ticket cost. He said violating the intersection was $410. I nearly died and said, " Honey, you gotta be kidding me." He said "No." I said if you write the ticket, is it less?" "No." "What do I do?" I never saw it?" He said, you fight it. But I'm not going to. I'll just pay it. I didn't pay attention and I'm guilty. He got a call while "interviewing" me..."Yes...yes..." gave a code and then said "in pursuit of a Mercedes." At least the car got attention!!!
I spend thousands and thousand of dollars in that community every year. I won't spend a single dime again. Why? Because idots get away with so much, and me, I didn't get away with anything. I'll pay the $410 fine, but after that, I won't visit their community ever again. It's all they're going to get from me for the rest of my life. Did I make a mistake? Yes. Absolutely. Did I deserve a $410 fine? No. I'm a good driver, but I made a mistake. But not a $410 mistake. And so it goes.