Saturday, February 19, 2011

The first anniversary of Gary's death.

There are days you just want to hide your head in a blue and white planter, but you can't because life just keeps coming at you. I was so blue today until talking to Mom. She made me laugh so hard. On this day, my mother made me laugh. That is one hell of a woman. Why? Because she was able to make me feel something other than pain, even through her own. I told her about posting on Facebook last night. She asked if I'd removed everything. I said "Yes." She was grateful. She reminded me that life isn't perfect and we're all dealing with so much pain. To be patient. To have faith. On a day I should have been supporting my mother, she was supporting me. Mom's are so amazing. My mom is so gracious and kind to me. I love how she encourages me, how she makes me laugh, how she sees so far beyond my vision. Her soulfulness, wisdom, understanding, love.
Why am I here? Because it's like a sanctuary. It's a beautiful place. When I come back I remember what it was like to be in this space. To have so many amazing friends around me. All the laughs. All the fun I had before being introduced to Facebook. So on this day, where do I come? Here. It represents a happier time in my life and Mom told be today, I have to find my way back, and she's right because I can't go on with this much pain. Gary's never coming back. Ginny and Roy may never pick up the phone. That's the reality. She said "Suzanne, you have a choice..." (Although it's my birth name, Mom never calls me Suzanne unless she means business and trust me, she meant business.) So, I'm a Blogger again. I like that. And now I'm off to visit Kylie and ask for a prayer.