Thursday, October 22, 2009

Can you believe the parks service allows me to do that? No, me either!
This was the storm. It's absolutely beautiful and sunny now, but I thought I'd show this instead. These guys were fun!

Yes...this is what I look through in rain. A Mercedes is terrific...well, until it rains! Imagine this on the freakin' freeway. Just worse! Can you believe they let me on the bike path!!!???

Yup, even she thinks it's pretty!
Couldn't get enough!

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

One a those days...

I remember this day so well and thinking "Oh good god." It was critique day at UCLA and they are often unkind. I'm sitting in front of my painting hoping for the best...
It's been one of those days. Well actually two days. The storm started yesterday. I went to the park and swear to God this is what it was like. The wind was insane. I drive a tank but was being blow all over the road. I stayed in the slow lane doing 45-50! Seriously. Black Beauty is terrific, but a Mercedes has one major flaw...the wind shield wiper. It's famous for the one. Oh it looks all pretty and perfect, but in a rain storm it's a burden because think about it. It has to cover the freakin' entire windshield. By the time it gets back to the driver's side I can't see a damn thing. So I'm in the tide pool lane doing 45, hydroplaning and tractor trailers are passing me, throwing more water. "Thanks buddy...I couldn't see before, now I can't see at all." God please. I had so much trouble driving to and from the park yesterday. It was awful. I wouldn't recomment it. Certainly not in my car.

Then this morning. Not raining at all. I was late, but I was hurrying not to be later. God I really was. Got in the car and the storm clouds were black. Got to the end of the street. DOWNPOUR!!! What do you do? You just sit and laugh. What the hell are you gonna do? So I drive all the way to the park in the pouring rain at 45 mph. Get out and I'm walking on about a million freakin' Sycamore tree balls. All knocked off by the storm. I know. Don't speak. I'm in my cast and my flip flops. My cast is going all Willy Wonka on me as I hit each one and I'm in pain. I go for my running sneakers. Whoop...forgot them. So I'm at the park in my freakin' flip flops and cast. Don't speak. I feed everyone at the first station in the pouring rain. I'm soaking wet and I can't stop laughing. I pull up the 20 lb steel pole and get on the bike trail. I stop at the entrance to my path. You have to understand, the park is a mess. Trees down everywhere, leaves, branches, you name's there. I saw a crew of people cleaning up when I entered the park. They're on community service and have this detail. What did they do? They put every freakin' limb and tree trunk at the entrance to my path. I'm serious. They have literally miles of space to put the shit, but what do they do? They pile it like a damn bon fire at a homecoming weekend to the entrance of my path. I'm wet, I'm in a cast, I'm walking in a flip flop and the puddles are huge and I've had a migraine for about 7-8 days. I looked to the sky. I did. Then I went and moved all of it. There are no words. Trust me. When I looked up I saw them watching me from across the park. Like questioning me! Get over here...I'll kick every single one of your asses. I was so pissed. I moved entire tree limbs. Weighted a ton!!! With a migraine. Trust me, there was no kindness left in me. And then they came while I was back in the woods feeding the ferals. I heard one say "Yup, there she is," because the Mercedes was parked just opposite, so it was pretty obvious. I didn't say a thing, but then I saw one guy throw a branch into the path and that was it. I was out like a flash, but unfortunately I tripped on my plastic Target bag!!! Off it came, so I was laughing by the time I got to the entrance to the trail because it was just too damn funny. But in laughter said to him, "You don't think I know what you're doing? Get back here and get that thing out of my way. " And he did. In front of about 30 people. He needed to learn something today. He's on community service because he hasn't. But this morning he learned something. I know he'll remember me and this day. It's fine to be a smart ass, but not a thoughtless dumb ass. After that I headed home. Oh dear lord!!! Raining so hard. Driving 45, 50, 40, 55, 60, 65...what?! It was hard. I want a BMW again. Much easier!
Then got back to Carmichael. Oh dear lord! Huge car pileup. Hummmmm. If I can just get to that parking lot. Get to the parking lot, take it to Manzanita. Perfect. Going down Manzanita...Oh dear lord! HUGE CAR PILEUP. If I can just get to that parking lot. I did and took it like a maniac! Police everywhere. Huge floods everywhere. But I know all the back ways. I was taking the back way home and saw all the damage to my neighborhood. Wow. I didn't know. Trees, limbs down everywhere. The damage is insane. It really is insane. I had no idea.

Saturday, October 10, 2009


You bet your ass that's a Buddy L truck!!! I bought it on eBay about 5 years ago. God I love it!!! This is Rob's old office. I took out his Pulp Fiction poster and put up my painting from honors study with Henry Hopkins at UCLA. Trust me...don't enlarge it. I got an A, but it isn't even done. You see that huge glob of paint to the right. That shouldn't be there!!! This was the Ben Franklin painting!
For god sakes don't enlarge this. I have too many wrinkles.
Just an update. I have a wicked scar and a hematoma. I have to see the dermatologist to figure out what to do. I have no idea what to do about the wrinkles and grey hair! Rob's Pulp Fiction poster. His was much bigger!!!

Okay, it's official...I'm late for the park because of all of you.

Wee Wee 1 and Wee Wee 2. Trouble. And yes, it's still primer. I haven't painted the walls yet. God, cut me some freakin' slack.

What? A day without Alan is a day without sunshine.

Nutty Rusty!
Alan had a $10 bill and a few singles. The kitties left the singles alone, but loved the big bucks!

You bet your ass that's her!

Friday, October 9, 2009

My darling nephew is into dirt bikes. I never told him what I know. He gave me this beautiful song and I just learned it's associated with motorcycles. The motorcycles I know. My friends raced. They were good. Really good. I didn't tell Alan. Why? I don't know. I remember about 5 years ago driving down the freeway in the early morning. A Sunday morning. I seemed like the only one awake, then they came. About 6-8 racers. They were probably traveling back from Sears Point. Just me and them. I had the BMW before I wrecked it. They pulled up along side and we looked at one another. One gave me the thumbs up. I'll remember that morning all my life. There's something about German engineering everyone appreciates. Then they were gone. I have beautiful memories of darling friends who raced. They were good. It's amazing to see someone lay down on their knee and make a turn. It's amazing. Alan doesn't know this about me. Probably know one does.

Alan, I love you so much. And yes, this is how my friends raced. No. I didn't tell you. I told you they raced...I just didn't tell you how.

Sunday, October 4, 2009


Remember when I found Ohno as a baby? Shivering and the last one waiting to be adopted? I didn't walk, I ran with him. He was trouble from the beginning. Just pure trouble. Remember when he fell into the fish tank!!! Oh my God that was just awful, but in a really funny awful way!!! It wasn't as if we didn't have enough cats. We did, but Ohno needed us. And we needed him.
As you all know he's named Ohno because every time he'd walk into a room you'd hear "OH NO!!!" Yes, he was that much trouble. He loved his Dad's office. Spent hours there on the desk next to Rob memorizing cases and helping strategize. Then the wee divorce and Ohno went into a funk he's never returned from. He was the funniest, friendliest, most amazing, well adjusted kitty in the whole world, but the divorce killed his spirit. He became petty and mean and has remained so. He needs to be in a house where he's an only kitty, but I can't let him go because I love him so and I keep thinking everything's going to be okay.
He grew up to be such a beautiful boy. Remember how tiny he was? He's big and solid now. He looks light because he's all silky, but must weight 17-18 lbs. He's just all muscle. I pick up Mickey and he's a Maine Coon, so he's big. He's over 20 lbs, but feels light and delicate. Ohno feels like a damn tank. I don't really know how to explain it. You have to feel it. The boy is dense, but not in a dumb way!
Newman's been gone 9 months, almost to the day. He died on a full moon, so every full moon matters. I've waiting to see who would become the alpha male. It's taken a long time as most of you know. I realized tonight, it's Ohno. Without a doubt.

I looked at him tonight and know I will never give him to someone else. You all know me. That isn't in my heart. Somehow we will all navigate this new life. Without Newman. Without Rob.

Saturday, October 3, 2009


Black beauty and I were driving up the freeway this morning on the way to the park. I hit the 80 to 5 split and there was a car right next to me. He didn't see me and started to pull into my lane. I swerved, layed on the horn then corrected and came back into my lane. It happened in an instant, but was in slow motion. I felt Black Beauty slide. Really slide. I don't think any other car would have survived what I did to her at 80 miles/hour. I feel lucky to be here tonight. She's a tank. My darling friend in Texas lost her niece to a similar accident in the past month.
I arrived at the park to find a wonderful homeless friend. He'd just stopped by to say hello, but I had a truck full of water bottles for him to recycle. We talked, laughed and had a nice chat while I fed the kitty and the skunks and birds at the first station. Then it was up the bike trail with Black Beauty to the second. You all know because of my broken ankle I'm allowed to take the car up the trail. I get some odd looks, but most people are generally very nice. They understand because they've seen me in a cast and crutches and now in my "boot!" I parked the car across from the path and a slew of cyclist past, waved and gave me the thumbs up. Then there was a couple who followed. Two kitties had come out to greet me on the trail and ran when the two cyclist approached. I laughed and then turned when the guy said "You contribute to that shit you know?" I've learned a lot in the past year. After what I'd just been through on the freeway and with the guy in the golf cart, I laughed and blew him off. He didn't like that, he turned around and said..."I'll come back, skin them and turn them into furry slippers."
This is a man who looks completely normal. The woman with him too. He has no idea who I am or what I do. He has no idea I've rescued tons, have everyone spay or neutered, they've all had the best vet care, great food, etc. This man knew nothing and that is what he said to me on this beautiful California morning. I didn't even look at him, I just gave him the finger. I'd do it again. Oh, you bet I'll see him again. I'll recognized him. He bikes almost every day. I thought about the lesson. What am Isupposed to learn from an ignorant middle aged man? His wife, girl friend, friend, lover, behaved as if he'd said nothing out of the ordinary,but I thought "What makes a human being that ugly?" What? This is probably a man that works in your office. Who you commicate with daily, but in private he is an ugly human being. How does someone get that way. And why?
I wouldn't trade a single moment of my life working with ferals at the park. Not a single moment. Ferals have taught me about grace, trust, patience, kindness, endurance, but also about absolute pain and heartbreak. I wouldn't change a single thing because as you all know, I've endured coyotes, storms, fire and very scary homeless guy moments. I've lived an amazing life and I wouldn't change a damn thing. So that guy? He doesn't phase me. And if he ever stops to "chat," I feel sorry for him already.