Tuesday, June 3, 2008
To get this spot, Ohno knocked everything off the shelf over the course of a week. He broke the beautiful blue and white planter that held the plant when it crashed to the floor, pushed the books off, the shells, everything. All to have simplicity, and this space. How could I not grant him his wish?
I have to stop blogging you know. Doctor's orders. I know you've all been waiting for me to confirm it. I've been trying so hard to find a way out the past few days, but I can't. It's only for a few weeks to a month. Longer if Dr. P. orders it. She wants me to simplify my life. Like Ohno, I have to kick everything off my shelf in order to relax and hopefully recover from what ever it is I'm suffering.
My numbness and tingling isn't getting better, it's getting worse. The concern is I'm on the highway to a heart attack. Not a stroke. I'm in good shape, my BMI is way below average, my weight is good, I don't smoke, etc., so a stroke doesn't seem likely, however, I'm completely stressed out and was diagnosed with anxiety, so the concern is a heart attack. I'm on an aspirin a day (probably for the rest of my life) and being tested to death this week. My doctor doesn't think I have a brain tumor, but my CAT Scan is Wednesday, just to take a peek and be safe. I'm also being tested for everything under the sun including my thyroid and a Vit-B deficiency because I'm a vegetarian. I learned a Vit B deficiency can cause what I have and so can my thyroid. Who knew?
I'll tell you a funny story. I had to do my 12 hour fasting blood test this morning at 7 am. Ugh. When my number was called at the lab I was asked "How are you dear?" I replied "Well, I haven't had a cup of coffee, I haven't eaten and I'm exhausted. How would you feel?" We both started to laugh so hard we couldn't stop. It was brilliant. Then I was given a cup for my urinalysis and told to go to the powder room. I did. I collected what I was supposed to collect, had no place to put it so set it in the sink only to discover the faucet was automatic and proceeded to waterate in my urine! "NO!!!! NO!!!! NO!!!! I waited 12 hours with no food or coffee for that urine!!! NO!!!!" I walked back out with my empty urine cup to tell the assistant my urine had been compromised. We started to laugh and couldn't stop. She said "You aren't alone. This happens to so many people. We've complained about it. Do you think you still have a little tinkle? We only need a fraction of an inch." We were still laughing and I told her I didn't. Could I take a new cup with me and drop it off on the way back from the park after feeding the ferals! ? The answer was "Yes, of course." So after having what seemed like gallons of my blood drawn, I was off to the park with my little brown bag and cup. Half way through the hospital I felt a tinkle. I was able to get enough to confirm my urine is yellow and clear!!!! Like I told Random Chick...at least my pee isn't going to kill me!
This is what I've learned. My doctor, who is amazing by the way, and believe me, I know doctors, has asked me to simplify. For everything I keep in my life I have to give up two other things. And she's not kidding. I also have to walk every day, do relaxation exercises or meditation twice a day, and enroll in 3 Kaiser classes (she selected them!). I also have to stop working around the house as much as possible. Rather than work in the gardens, she wants me to sit and look at them. Not weed, worry, etc. Just look and enjoy what I've created for two weeks (I've already cheated, but don't tell her). Trust me, I do understand. I'm doing too much and it's killing me. Mom (MIL) and I have already discussed ways to simplify the gardens. We've also discussed selling lots of plants in the fall. It's time to let go of lots of "stuff." I also have to get my roses down to a reasonable number. 200 isn't reasonable. I've taken the past few days to figure out what's really important and I think I know. This blog is important, but to keep the ferals I have to give up two things (Dr. P told me I had to give up both blogging and the ferals. I told her I wouldn't do that. In retaliation she made up the keep one give up two rule). She informed me I can't keep the ferals and the blog. So I'll give up the blog. I'm crying, so you know it's breaking my heart, but I know that all of you understand that you can survive without me, but I'm not so sure about the kitties. I'll be back. I just hope you won't forget me. I love all of you so much and you've made such a difference in my life, so when I come back, I hope all of you do too. And yes, I will be back.
With so much love,