Thank you one and all for your amazing comments on the previous post. Your love and support means the world to me. I wanted to delete, delete, delete, but your beautiful words helped me realize it's okay to be in pain and confused. And most importantly, it's important to share both good times and bad. I love you guys/gals.
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I'll respond to the last three comments when I finish this. Right now I just need to sit and not think too hard because my brain feels very tired and heavy. I didn't sleep well as you're all aware and today has been insane (there's your answer Leah!), but I swear to God I have the funniest story. I'll get to that, but first, the drawing. I did it a few years ago while working on a project for a client. It just flowed from my pencil and when I was done I realized I'd drawn myself. And yes, in my black dress and sling backs (way before the Wild Onion)!!! It was a doodle, so I didn't consider paper quality (it's done on printer paper!) or commercial value, etc., but when it was done, I liked it and decided to have high end limited edition prints made on watercolor paper that I would then hand color/paint. The drawing sits, along with many others, waiting to go the the printer. I was paging through hundreds of photos for this post and for some reason stopped at this one. I was in a difference space 2-3 years ago. I felt lighter, less burdened, so perhaps that's why I selected it. The photo is horrible because it was never meant to be published, it was simply taken to keep a record of my work, so forgive the poor quality. I think I also selected it because it represents what I've failed to do over the past few years. And that has to change. I asked myself, "Self, are you a Blogger or are you an artist?" The answer is obvious. I have to make some changes because there are only 24 hours in a day and I can't fit everything in. I'm an artist. I also want to stop drinking wine because it feels like a crutch. It isn't a problem, but it's getting in my way. I'm not sure how to stop, but if any of you have a suggestion, please feel free to enlighten me.
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Now some of you might have noticed all the shopping bags in the drawing and you know I'm not a shopper. HATE shopping! The client I was working for wanted a shopping theme for her illustrations, so somehow it worked it's way into my personal doodle. And RC, did you notice my pearl earrings and braclet!!?? Oh, and you guys aren't aware I love topiary and also classical urns. It's obviously a very personal drawing. And of course I'm reaching for a rose. I might add, I'm not that tall, my legs not that long and honestly, I don't think my waist is that small.
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Now for the funny story. I got a call from Rob last night (he's staying at his Mom's (that's another story)) informing me the Mercedes had to stay at the shop and I would needed to rent a car in the morning. WTF!!!! He said, the rental agency would pick me up at the house, I simply had to call in the morning. WTF!!! He knows what my mornings are like. THEY'RE INSANE. I said "Robert, how in the hell am I supposed to fit that in?" He replied, "You'll just have to." I couldn't laugh, I couldn't cry, I simply felt numb. Sat down at the computer and wrote the previous post, then went to the sofa and passed out from absolute exhaustion. Woke up a few hours later, fed everyone (late), emptied the diswasher, did the rest of the laundry, cleaned up, etc.. Then I remembered the post and the car rental. I wondered if I'd dreamed them? I realized I hadn't and started to cry about the car, then rushed to the computer to delete my post before anyone saw it!!! What I discovered of course was beyond beautiful, so I spent the wee hours of the morn responding to all of you. Obviously I didn't sleep again. Rushed around this morning as usual, got everything done on time and if I'd had the Mercedes would have been at the park on time. But I didn't, so called the rental car agency and they sent a driver. She was a sweetie and off we flew to rent a car. I left the front yard sprinklers on because I thought I'd be back within 30 minutes to pick up my supplies for the park. Nope! Was in the process of renting the car and asked for my license. Wow, guess what? My license expired on my birthday! Who knew? Who looks at a license? I said "But I can still rent the car, right?" Reply, "No." I could see my ferals waiting for me. I was now 30 minutes late. I said "I have to feed ferals at Discovery Park, they're waiting for me. I NEED this car. Can't you just overlook this?" The reply, "No." I felt a panic you can not imagine and then she said "I'll take you to the DMV." I said "ARE YOU SERIOUS!!!??? THAT COULD TAKE A LONG TIME!!!" The budget didn't pass in CA until a few days ago and the DMV has been one of the most insane places to hang out, but she was game, so off we went. Honestly, I couldn't believe it. Here's what happened.
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Get to DMV ~ place was a freakin' mad house, but the first line very, very short. Talk to the clerk and told her:
"I'm trying to rent a car. My license expired. Didn't know. The rental agency brought me here. Any way to expedite this? She looked at me and gave me a big smile. Then gave me a number, form and pen and said "just go over there and fill it out." I did what I was told. Got done then said "Now what?" She replied "Go over there and wait to be called." I looked at the sea of people and almost started to cry. I had to wade through all of them?!!??!!!??? NO, NO, NO. I asked before we parted, "Do I have to have a photo taken?" Reply, "Yes." My worst nightmare. I stood and waited and with all the numbers and letters being called realized my R4001 was right behind R4000 and that number had been called upon my arrival at the people pool. I was next!!! Wow, should take about 5 minutes. Okay, it took about 15-20 for R4000 to get his or her ass out of my space at check point 11, but when my number was called I let out an audible "HEY...THAT'S ME!!!" And then met my clerk. She wasn't very nice at first, but you know me. I have a way with people. Told her my story and she laughed. Asked her if I had to get a photo. She replied "Yes, of course." I said "LOOK AT ME!!! I've been blogging all night, cried, am going through menopause, I'm puffy, I'm exhausted and I didn't shower. Can I leave my hat on?" She replied "We don't allow pink." We both started to laugh and she said "NO, OF COURSE YOU CAN'T KEEP THE HAT ON!!!" I asked "Can I return to have the photo retaken?" She said "Yup, but for a fee." I asked "What's the fee?" She replied "$22.00." I said "Okay, I'll do it!" She said "You didn't give the color of your hair." I replied "Oh, that's because I'm in denial." She replied "Remove your baseball cap." I said "I don't have to, I'm grey." She replied "Remove your baseball cap...yup, you're grey." Bitch. "Okay, that $28.00. How would you like to pay?" I replied "Credit." She replied, "We don't accept credit cards, just debit or cash." I said, "Are you nuts, everyone accepts credit!!! I left the house without my debit card and don't carry cash, what am I supposed to do, I need this license!!!!" She replied "Isn't this credit card also a debit card?" "NO, it's not!" And then I saw some money sticking out of my wallet, "Wait, I think I have something!!!" $40.00!!! My luckest freakin' day on this planet!!! I paid the bill and she said "You're being issued a temporary license and you don't have to have your photo taken today. When would you like to return to have it taken?" I replied "Friday, Monday, I don't care, any day but today." She said "Well let's make an appointment, and I don't have one till October 11th." "Thank you God!!!" She started to laugh. I said "You know what you are, don't you?" She just laughed harder. I left, but couldn't find my ride. Looked every where. Went outside for the 3rd time and stood by the bike racks and some young 20 something handsome guy said "Can't find your car?" I said "No, can't find my date." And then out she walked (she's gorgeous) and I could see his eyes just light up. Yup, thought we were a couple!!! Guys. It was sorta like an IV/Just Bob/Walker moment!!! I laughed and gave him the thumbs up. Why waste a man's dream.

XO

And yes, that's my life in a nutshell.

P.S. RC, Leah and IV, I answered your comments down below.