Monday, September 22, 2008

Sarah....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7CbAjj80NIM

My dear friend told me to move on and post. So I am. I don't know how to link a video. So this must suffice. I adore Sarah. She feels like a sister. I stand in the park every day and hear her voice. It's hard as most of you know. But she inspires me to move on. And yes, often with a heaviness that is real. No, not every moment is sad. There are so many beautiful moments, but it's always a challenge. And when Sarah talks about being brought to her knees, I've know that moment. All you do is look to Heaven and hope. A dear blogging friend wrote that she couldn't cope with the negativety of my posts. That broke my heart. Truly, it did. Why? Because I never looked at my blog in that way. But guess it's offensive to some. I have too much on my plate and perhaps my frustration surfaces every so often.

I don't know the point of this blog. Maybe it's just to move forward and find my way. I often question why I blog and think about stopping. Perhaps I'm just writing to myself in a quest to find the answer. Yes, I'm considering ending this blog. I'm exhaused.

20 comments:

just bob said...

Hey Blottie... you finally picked up your award!!! Who knew all I needed to do was hand another one out (wink).

Anyway... I don't think your blog is negative. At least I've never seen it that way. Life is hard for all of us, sometimes harder than others. Your blog comes from the heart, which is why so many people read it and love you. We are here to support, help, lend advice, and give a big ol' hug when you need one.

Yes, sometimes a blog can be a good way to work through your own problems. I've been through that personally. It doesn't work every time, but on occasion just getting things off your chest begins the healing process.

I hope you do what's best for you. I want you to be happier, and if that means not blogging so be it. I do hope you continue to be a part of our little family of friends and misfits though. You mean a great deal to all of us.

Leah said...

I've never seen your blog as negative either; maybe sometimes pensive, maybe introspective, but it's real and soulful. It's not a bad thing to write about and talk about feelings, for goodness sake! Well, I guess we know that, right? We're big on feelings and expressing them, in between being f-ing hilarious (and we do have an awesome collective sense of humor, don't we).

And I still owe you that drink--

Leah said...

Oh and p.s., I absolutely cannot listen to that song without crying...

krystyna said...

Noooo....Suzanne...not ending this blog.
I'm exhaused too.
Try to take the breaks, sometimes write only little bit or only pics.
Be here.

Love & hugsss

krystyna said...

Thank you for this beautiful song.

krystyna said...

Ah,... Suzanne
take relax...
go to my mom's Birthday Party.
She has a yummy cake.

Walker said...

I don't see you blog as negative.
You post about your life in your diary/blog.
It's what you feel you;re not supposed to blog what others like to hear.
Maybe you blog to hear what you're thinking.

Gig said...

Suze,
I agree with everyone before me...I don't see your blog as negative. I love the way you express your feelings for life and everyone and those around you. Not everyday is all Sunshine, but I think we all need a way to let out those feelings...so what better way than here with friends!!

We have a great blogging family that is here, even if sometimes one of us needs a little down time. Stay true to yourself, that is why we all love you Blottie!

I still owe you a drink, but not tonight girlie, I have to go work at the High School tomorrow morning, off to get some sleep.

Love ya, Gig

Robyn said...

Hmmm...interesting question Suze. You helped me realize the importance of opening up. To open up about my fight with cancer, right there..out in the open! Those were real hard feelings. And remember my post about "the hamester wheel" about my how sucky my job is! Nobody cared to hear all that either...but I didn't care! Bob is right, its the healing point behind these blogs! Walker with his crazy life, Bob with his job, RC with kids, IV with his town, Leah with book writing...and the list goes on!
No one's life is any harder than someone else's. It is just a different story! Chin up Suze...you must carry on! You have been down this road before. We are here to be your support and other days I/we need you to support!
Love you to my core!
Robyn

Skeeter said...

Dear Suzanne,

I'm not sure where that person found the negativity, but I've always enjoyed your posts and found them to be uplifting and cheerful. Your cats are fun. Your roses are great. Your smile is contagious. Infect me with it again dear. I wouldn't miss it for anything.

Best wishes,

Skeeter

Resonator said...

Suzanne;
Pls..Nooo..no ending this blog..
Let me say you, your blog really keeps cool with all thses beautiful kittens..it reflects your beautiful heart and love for kittens and people like me..Pls sister don't go..I never see a -ve vity in your blog..


love & hugs
Prema

Resonator said...

http://www.stuffonmycat.com/media/2/20080920-20080920_Reesie_Molli.jpg

Resonator said...

For you

http://www.stuffonmycat.com/media/2/20080911-evey.JPG

Suzanne said...

Bob, Leah, Krystyna, Walker, Gig, Robyn and Skeeter,

I love you. Thanks. And yes, it's true, I love competition. It makes me all wacky and warm inside!!! Can you believe how fast I got that pretty little number up and to the right? I love my competition. She's a sweetie! Good choice. Let the games begin.

I know, I never saw this thing as negative either, but then the comment, a great deal of self reflection and no, I still didn't see it! I told her so. Basically said "...life isn't always perfect or a bed or roses, some days it's hard." And that's what I sincerely believe. Some bloggers are able to write only about all the good stuff and people are often told "surround yourself with only positive people," but where does that leave everyone else? I like a good dose of reality every day because I actually live in the real world, like all of you. I would like to pretend I don't, but I do!!!

I always come here for support and love. I know you are all here for me and your effort doesn't go unnoticed. I adore all of you and can't imagine life without you. I say I'll end this blog when I'm so exhausted I can't think straight, but I won't end it because you give me more than I could hope for. I'm indebted to every single one of you.

Bob ~ I just love you. You make me laugh and think. You also make me want to shake you sometimes, but then I come to my senses and realize Shaken Baby Syndrome is a felony. Big hug instead. I love you to bits, and thanks my dear, dear friend for all your love and kindness. Trust me, it matters. XO

Leah ~ I'm going to cry. I love you. Thanks for being so amazing and supportive. And thanks too for always laughing with me, not at me, even when my grammar sucks! You're the best and I absolutely adore you. I remember when we first met at CSI's joint. I was very intimidated. Why? Well, you're very smart and I didn't feel like an equal. Now I know you're just a wacky chick like the rest of us!!! Thank God you're in my life. Couldn't imagine it without you. Seriously. Thank's again for all your kind words no matter what the issue, no matter what I write. When you eventually scold me, I'll be devastated! XO

Krystyna ~ I don't deserve you. Please forgive me for not keeping up with your blog. When I write about what's going on in my life you'll understand. You are such a dear and loving friend and thank you for always paying attention. When I see comments from you or your mom I smile so wide because you both make my heart sing. I'll visit and wish Mom Happy Birthday. Sorry I almost missed it. And yes, the song is lovely. Sarah never fails to tug at the heart. I love Irish women!!! Love you darling. Will visit soon. XO And thanks.

Walker ~ Thanks sweetie. You're right. I often forget I'm here for me. I'm always so concerned about everyone else I rarely think of me. Perhaps this is my turning point. How wonderful to get a little nudge. And by the way, what have you been nudging lately?!!! I'll stop by soon to take a peek you handsome, smart, sexy devil you! Thank God Robyn found you. Thank you sweetie. Your words matter. XO

Gig ~ Hi baby! It's so good to have you back and thanks. You're right, you know. I can't even imagine navigating this past year without all of you. We are a very special group and as Leah pointed out, quite funny too!!! I think we should write a coffee table book. No really, I've actually considered it. Yes, of course I'd violate every copyright law in the world, but I'd get approval once you all sobered up. Love you honey, and thanks for your support and kindness. And also for allowing me to wade in this damn cesspool called life every now and then. XO

Robyn ~ Hi honey. You know what's funny, I came running back to the computer to delete (yes, I really believe I'm the Delete Queen!)once I realized what I'd written, but I didn't have to. I wrote from my heart and you all responded from yours. I could never erase because I need this space. I'll revisit often. Why? For inspiration, kindness and love. It's a very special place and shared with people I absolutely adore. Thank you baby. You remind me that sometimes it's important to just let go of the words. Freedom. I love you and hope you're okay. Thank you. XO

Skeeter ~ Hi sweetie. Thank you. When I was home last Mom said "You know what I love most about you honey? You're smile because it lights the world." That killed me. You remind me of that beautiful moment. I was taking care of my sister's kids, animals, hubby, home and had a migraine, and as I walked up the lawn (it's on a hill) to Mom, who'd arrived unexpectedly and said, with the biggest smile "...you're so beautiful." I said "Mom, I'm stugglin' here and I'm in my pajammas and haven't showered and on the verge of tears." She gave me the biggest hug ever. I'll never forget that moment. Never. I think moms reserve a place in their heart for misfits! Perhaps you do too!!! I love you Skeeter. You never fail to puff me up. You know I just love you to death. You could be my brother. Probably because we both come from simple, humble stock we connected immediately and with tears in my eyes say this in all sincerity, I adore you. XO

Thank you one and all. I came here to delete only to realize it isn't possible. I would never erase your words. They mean the world to me. And yes, I'll explain what's going on in the next post.

Suzanne said...

Prema,

Don't worry sweetie, I'm not going to go. Sometimes life feels so overwhelming and the thought crosses my mind, but in the end I realize how much joy this place bring. Love you dear and thanks for you kind words. It's so comforting to have you here.

Much love,
Suze XO

Random Chick said...

Oh Suzanne,

You're just having a mini-break down. And that's okay. We all do it. I had my pity party, and you were all invited.

You cannot stop blogging because it is your therapy, your mental vacation away from all that stuff you have to do on a daily basis. You blog to get those wacky thoughts out of your head and to share with a community of people who love and adore you.

Thank you for telling us you are exhausted. You've got to tell someone!!! So, we'll help you get comfortable on a cozy couch by the fire, prop up your feet, bundle you in a nice soft blanket, get you some organic Paul Newman popcorn and some green tea with a hint of honey, and relax...even if for just 5 minutes. RELAX DAMMIT!!! Don't make me put on Mozart or Vivaldi because you know I will!

That song holds special meaning for me...I think it is about pain, suffering, healing, and letting go. It is so beautiful that sometimes it really hurts, and that, my friend, is the beauty of life.

I found this quote by Rumi:

Something opens our wings. Something makes boredom and hurt disappear. Someone fills the cup in front of us: We taste only sacredness.

We love you, Blottie!
XOXOXOXO
RC

Leah said...

Hey you, just checking in, hoping today has started out as a good day for you and all the merry pranksters you live with!

Hedgie is home with a cold, and so I'm housebound and stir-crazy. It's such a beautiful day outside...

xoxo

INNER VOICES said...

"I deal every day with more in a week than most of you ever will see in a life time."


huh....

its all perspective. if you read something and feel its negative, it is to you. others might read it and get a positive spin about things and still others will be completely confused by it....

Suzanne said...

RC,

I know. I was at the DMV this morning and knew I was. I'll be okay. I'm confident I will. But as you know, there are times that the weight is so heavy. And then, something happens to lift the burden. I don't know why life is such a challenge at times, but think it's a test. It is, isn't it? But why?

I won't stop blogging. In some way it helps me navigate this agony. I will have to modify it in some way however if I'm going to return to being an artist. How? I'm not sure yet. But you're right, I'll find my way and blogging will always be a solution because you have all taught me so much about my profession and about life. I'll take that tea sweetie and that soft chair. I love you so very, very much. Thank you for taking time out of your busy day to comfort me. And yes, it's an amazing song. It has so many levels of beauty. She's an amazing soul and I agree with you. As sad as it is, it's about letting go. And the quote. Stunning. I will cherish it.

Love you.
XO
~
Leah, Saw Central Park on Regis this morning before leaving to pick up the rental. Gorgeous. Sorry you're stuck inside, but Hedgie needs love and care. You're a great mom. Just so you know, I never watch Regis, but was late this morning and hadn't switched to CNN. I thought of you as soon as he showed Central Park. I love you darling and thanks for checking in. Read my current post for your answer. It's a hoot!!! Enjoy Autumn my dear, dear friend. I love you. I also love your photo. It's so nice to see your beautiful face. XO
~
IV,

Never assume. That's what you've taught me. So never assume I know what the hell I'm saying. No one else does!!! I saw what I wrote, knew my mistake, but didn't have the energy to go back and fix it. Everyone else just let it go because they understood my frame of mind. But thank you for calling me on it. I should have fixed it.

You know what's funny. I don't feel as if you ever visit my blog, but you're here. It matters. I adore you and hope you know.

XO

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