Saturday, November 22, 2008

I WANT SYMPATHY!!!

No, no photo today folks. Why because I just came into the house through the f****** window. Why? Because I locked myself out. I threw all my crap down in the kitchen and here I sit. Why? Because if I don't write this I'm going to kill someone.

Yes, this is a true story. I brilliantly preplanned in the event I locked myself out. Unfortunately the window I made available is over a climbing rose. You try putting the damn ladder over that thing. Jeasus Christ. Here, let me start at the beginning.

I was running a tad late this morning because I was up all night trying to figure out who the hell Anon #69 is. Got a call from Comcast informing me they'd be here in a few hours. What? I said "Absolutely not!" I had no idea they were coming and I didn't want them here. Visit rearranged for Dec. 3rd. Called Rob at Mom's house (he no longer lives here) and said "Hey dude, Comcast called" and he informed me he's coming in a few hours. Really? Well let me inform you he isn't coming mister. Next time you set up an appointment for my house, let me know before they're scheduled to arrive in 2 hours. Was I pissed? Oh, you bet. Did Rob win? No. Would he have won? No. I have my limits. I'm not going to be told two hours before someone shows up that their showing up, unless it's family.

Okay, so to secure the house I locked the door. I NEVER LOCK THE DOOR because I have T-Bone and he'd never let anyone hurt a single soul in this house. So why bother with security? But I was concerned Comcast might show up and just walk in. So I locked the damn door. Moron. Let the journey begin.

I arrived at the park and I have two kitties who walk between my legs. I love them to death, but always say "Please don't trip me!" Well today I was tripped. I didn't even see it coming. But I do remember eating dirt. I went down like a ton of bricks. My younger brother had a horrible 4-wheeler accident a few years ago and said to me, "Sue, I've never tasted so much dirt." I hear ya brotha!!! Cuz today I did too. My head just plowed into soil. There were two bikers near my car who witness the whole ordeal and one said, "Honey, are you okay?" I spit out some sod and said "No, I'm in pain, but I think I'll survive." My tooth went though my lip and there was an enormouse cut just below my nose. I held paper towels to it and knew I'd be okay. But other stuff hurt. My head hurt especially. I got in the car, removed my cap and looked in the mirror. Oh Dear Lord!!! Okay, the pink caps a gonner. Too much blood to remove. I have one hell of a nasty gash on my forehead. It's on the left side. My horrible boner from last week's trip over the kitty carriers in on the right side. What? I look like an idiot. And I might add, the red mark is in the shape of the plastic container I fell on. Shut up.

Oh, but what hurts most? My right calf. It's already purple. Who knows what the hell it hit, but oh trust me, it hit something. It's huge and ugly. It hurts.

I arrived home and tried to open the door. Couldn't find the key. Emptied the contents of my purse on the front porch. Wow, lip gloss, haven't seen that in weeks. No keys. went through my Discovery Park bag. No keys. Hummmmmm. Went to window. Noticed rose bush. Damn. Never considered rose bush. Got ladder. Climbed through window to T-Bones absolute bliss!!! He went insane with happiness!!! "Hi Mommy!!!
"Hello yourself damit." Went to front door to get items left on porch. Hummmmmmmm...locked the deadbolt. Hummmmmmmmmmm. Climbed back through window, went to front porch to retrieve items.

I'm sitting here writing this because if I don't, I swear, I'm going to kill somebody.

19 comments:

Maithri said...

Look after yourself my friend.

You need to take the rest of the day off... to just recuperate. Put some ice on that leg and keep it elevated.

And make sure the cuts on your forehead etc arent too deep, cos they might need a stitch to make sure they dont get infected later on.


Lots of love,

M

hnter1018 said...

Suzanne we need pictures if this.

Let the comcast guy come now and tell him that he should see the guy from the gas company who just left and that he looks worse than you. Tell him that guy gave you three hours notice then ask him if he still wants to come in

Seriously....I hope you feel better. That is one hell of a lousy day.

Suzanne said...

Well, it's always nice to have a doctor around. Maithri, I swear to God my life has just gone haywire!! But don't worry, I'll pay attention. The gash on my head is really quite nasty, but I think it will heal okay. I poured a hole hell of a lot of peroxide on it! Stitches would leave a scar, but really, I don't think I'm going to get away with this one. It's nasty. I just looked at myself in the mirror to confirm. I look awful!!! I love that cat with all my heart, but I'll be honest, he kicked my ass. And yup, I now know the taste of dirt.

XO

Love you baby. Thanks for your concern. I'll be fine and trust me, if I see even the hint of infection, to the doctor I go! Thanks for your love. Big hug and huge kiss on cheek! You're still as handsome as ever. Baby, can you believe Obama is our president!!!! How did we get that lucky?! I know you must be happy. Me too!!! Love you. Take care.

XO

Megan said...

Oh Suzanne. Sending much sympathy your way right now. Maithri is right - put your feet up and relax. If I wasn't 400 miles away I'd totally be on my way over with some tea and scones, or something comfy like that...

Suzanne said...

Rob, Rob, Rob,

The day from hell. But I'll tell you something. Writing about it actually helped. My forehed is a horrible mess and I fear the worst. Yes, huge scar, but you know what? So what? Am I supposed to get through life completely unscathed? I don't think so. So I'm going to go though the rest of my life with a reminder. Oh well. So be it.

Now honey, you know how much I love you. I'd even marry you if you weren't already married to a wonderful woman, had two amazing kids and dogs. Unfortunately you hunt, so I'm out, but in the event I wasn't, honey, can you tell me who Anon #69 is? Ohhhhhhhhh, I love you so much and know you'll help me out.

Suzanne said...

Megan,

Can you believe it? Yeah, I still have to figure out how to get the front door open because entering and exiting through the window really isn't an option. My life is so funny. Just when I think I have it under control, I don't. But one good thing. I found my Aveeno lip gloss looking for my keys.

XO

Oh, and losing part of my skull caused Maithri to stop by. Hey, life's good!!!

CSI Seattle said...

Did I mention that I like your new pink hat?

I'm trying...

Suzanne said...

CSI

I know you love my pink cap. Unfortuantely this one's a gonner. Too much blood to remove. (How do you get blood out?) I'll tell you a funny story. I buy in multiples. Why? Because I'm practical as hell. Yup. Have two backups. If the kitty doesn't trip me tomorrow I'm good to go. And honey, I'm still 5'1" and sitting on the Macy's sofa. What? No, I don't miss a thing, nor do you I assume. Yes I know all our friends are laughing!!! Love you too. All six feet.
;)

just bob said...

...pins a spare house key to Suzanne...

Geez Blottie... you need to watch out for all those critters running around your feet. I know they bring you a great deal of peace and enjoyment. Take care of yourself ok?

Kookaburra said...

Suze,
Look after your yourself and follow Dr. Maithri's advice, hey? There's no need to lock the deadbolt if you aren't inside the house. But i guess you found that out already.

Kookaburra said...

actually that was wrooonng! - You DON'T LOCK THE DEAD BOLT WHEN YOU ARE INSIDE in case you have to get out in an emergency. I have been to two meetings today and am a little tuckered out, hence the momentary brain fade.

Suzanne said...

Slept for a few hours, now as usual, I'm up. I feel like crap. I looked in the mirror. I look like crap. The cut on my forehead really is nasty. Wow. Every time I see it I say "Wow," as if I've never seen it before!! I'm going to have to try and clean it up and get that huge flap of skin to lie flat again. Good Lord!!! My lip hurts. It looks really nasty on the outside, but hurts most on the inside My leg hurts. My ego hurts.

Bob ~ yup gotta find a spare key. Still can't open the front door. Realized I don't have to keep using the window, can just go out through the garage door like a normal person!!! Where the hell are my keys? The only thing I can figure is they fell in the woods. When I go to the park tomorrow I'll look for a purple blob. Yes, they're on a purple key chain.

Bob, why is my life so stupid~funny? I swear to God I'm exhausted from all these accidents. I bought scar gel. That should help with my forehead problem, and if I slather it all over, should help with other issues. What can I buy to help with my rapidly developing mental problem? Damit. Thank God I have a very handsome doctor looking after me. Maithri, I have to go back to the park tomorrow. Wish me luck getting out of the car honey!!!

Bob, you know what dirt tastes like? It tastes like dirt. If my sister Laura is reading this, Laur I need a hug. Baby, I'm dyin' here. Honey, have my spare key? Does Mommy? Who has my spare key? And I'm laughing because that face dive was the best. When it looked really, really bad, it got worse. I can only imagine how lovely it was from the bicylist's perspective. Priceless. Oh, and just so you know Bob, the kitty appeared to be fine. Wow, my hand hurts too. So does my arm. You know how muscle strain appears 24 hours later. God, I hope I can still drive.

XO Blottie ;)

Suzanne said...

Mark,

Apparently I was at the meetings with you cuz I'm equally bain dead. I'm not going to marry you. You know why? Because we'd be a disaster together! Oh and because I love Jo to death and would never disrespect her (HI JO!!!)!!! I'm absolutely confident this phase of my life is going to pass quickly. I just hope my damn face survives!!! I look like crap Mark. Oh, and I'm sore. Oh, and I didn't tell anyone that the day before I ran into a huge tree limb that had come down over night. I was entering the woods and my kitty Nash was under my feet and I wasn't paying attention to what was above because I was looking below in an effort not to trip. Yup, ran right into it. Hit the same spot from a few days prior. The original egg had finally subsided, then I got a new egg and a new cut in the same spot as the old egg and the old cut. I remember saying out loud, "Okay, this really sucks."

Mark, do you have my keys? Oh, and why do I lock the dead bolt? Because it's the easiest key to find, it's big, so poof, I use it! Rob called this afternoon. I said, "Honey, I need the keys." I knew I was in trouble when he said "What keys?" "To the left, under the fish tank in the uppper draw, in the bowl." Hummmmmmmm, "nope."

XO ;)

Suzanne said...

Oh, and my cheek hurts.

Debbie in CA : ) said...

Girlfriend . . . MY GOODNESS!!!

You certainly need a day of rest and a deluge of prayer. Honey, please sit down with a nice cup of tea, put on a sweet soothing cd, and grab a book of most transporting tranquility (try a garden book), then simply float in the peaceful moment. You need to come down and smooth out. Then you need to get to a doctor ASAP and have those nasty owies attended to PROFESSIONALLY to avoid infection/scarring.

I'm a psuedo-sister who is begging you to find a calm place for serene rest. I suggest your garden -- you don't have any fallen limbs out there do you? Avoid the leg-loving kitties. (I know of what I speak, my precious Mr. Bingley loves to thread the needle while I walk with him -- silly boy.)

Above all else, I wish you peace this Thanksgiving week. Give thanks in ALL situations. Start little and work your way up to PURE JOY! It's there for the taking. I pray for you QUITE OFTEN these days, as the Lord brings you to mind (like when Misters Bingley and Darcy come running with Kitty Sugar).

You're a special e-friend ... here's a big helping of e-HUGZ "OOOOOOOOOOOO" !!!

Love and Prayers,
Debbie

Leah said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ShutterSpy said...

Ouch :( I'm sorry to hear that :(

I hope all you injuries clear up soon :)

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