Go there to see what's wrong with me.
I didn't watch the news last night or this morning because I was so busy. I arrived at the park to a whole hell of a lot of fire engines. I woke up this morning to an overcast sky and that old familiar smokey smell. I wondered what was going on. Did the wind shift? Was there a fire nearby? What? When I arrived at the park, the entrance booth was unattended and the the bike trail was closed and fire engines were every where. I felt a degree of panic hard to describe. Initially I told myself, "Oh, they're having a practice drill," but I knew they weren't. I walked immediately to the guy who was heading off runners and those on bikes. I said "Hi, I'm Suzanne, I feed the ferals," and he replied "Hi Suzanne, I'm Tom and I've been waiting for this moment." Tom is the Director of Discovery Park and we've spoken on the phone so many time and he has spoken with Rob as well. It was just one of those magical moments and I'm grateful for it. We shook hand and told one another how much we appreciated the other and then we got down to business. I said "I need to feed my ferals." And as I looked past him I could see there was nothing left of the forest. Nothing. I started to cry and repeated that I needed to see my cats. He said he didn't think that was possible. I told him, in tears that I wasn't going to leave the park without seeing my space and to please help me. Please just help me. And he did. I know I'm one of the only people allowed into the park. We went in and looked and my space was saved. Everything around it was burned, but my spaced was saved. We walked back to the car and I got my food and water and he escorted me back to feed my kitties. I called and Hillary came. She had babies only two days ago. I can't imagine they survived, but she did. I'm crying so hard because you must understand what we've all been though the past year. I still have her. Nothing survived, but she's alive and safe. And Tom honored and help me find her. I don't know what the future will bring, but my heart is just broken because I know, I know, I know, I know many of my dear friends didn't survive. I don't know how to find my way. You have to understand I have struggled to save their lives, and to look at what I did today, I know, so many didn't survive. I feel absolutely broken and sit here in tears.
I didn't have my camera because I posted yesterday and left it near my computer. I wish you could see what I saw. It was absolutely horrible and surreal. Words can never describe what I saw today. Zack and Denim, I love you. I understand completely.