Saturday, January 10, 2009

With love to our beautiful boy...

Newman had to leave us today.
He died in our arms.
He was buried at 5:25 pm
next to the maple tree. Newman, we love you so much.
There's a beautiful full moon
to watch over you tonight.
Rest in peace our beautiful boy and know
that we will miss you all the days of our lives.
Thank's for your love all these years and honey,
I don't know how this family is going to manage
without you.
Wait for us,
Mom, Dad, Maestro, Mickey, Sweet Pea, Rusty, Hopper,
Ohno, Picasso, Chloe, Sage, Sophia,
Phatty Foo Foo,
Bella, Bijou, Baby,
Auntie Renee, Uncle Charlie, Rugby
and of course...
the Gold Fish
Dear Friends,
I won't be around for awhile. My heart is broken and I have nothing to say of any value to anyone. Newman was our first cat and dearly loved. Today it felt as if we were burying our child. I love you all very much and know you understand.


Kookaburra said...

Dear Suzanne,
We are sorry to read here about the loss of your beloved cat, Newman. We can only imagine how you must be feeling at this sad time.
Take all the time that you need to grieve for your loss.

Mark and Jo.

Gig said...

My heart breaks for you...*reaches out and gives Suze a big hug*. Just know how much I care about you...wish I was there to help ease the loss of your precious Newman.

It is ok to take a break, but please never feel that you have nothing of value to say. I listen and value everything that you say.
We are all here, through thick and thin, good and bad...just so you know...we aren't going away!!

I too am on a short break, but am checking on you!!

Love you,
R.I.P. Newman

Maithri said...

Dear Suzanne,

Sending you healing love and light,

He will always be with you,

I know,

Much love, Maithri

Megan said...

So long, Newman. Thanks for being around.

Love you, Suzanne.

Joyfulsister said...

Aloha Suzannne,
I found your blog, the pink roses caught my eyes. I see I found you at a time of sadness and I just want to say I am sorry to hear about your fur baby. I know how I felt when we had to say goodbye to our tabby name Bookie. Thank you for sharing your beautiful art of Roses they made my heart smile.

Blessings Lorie

Anonymous said...

Dearest Suze,
Although I haven't been posting for a while, I do come and read everyone's blogs like a silent lurker, but I just had to leave a comment here for you. I'm very sorry for the loss of beautiful Newman - a very handsome cat. It looks like he lived a long and happy life, after all, who wouldn't be happy in a house with you and all of your animals and all of your love. It was his time to go and he'll be waiting to see you again.
Be strong Suze...
lots of love,
Peter xxx

Leah said...

all my love to you dear one.


Karen ^..^ said...

Oh, Suzanne. I'm so sorry. I know exactly how you feel, and I cried when I read this post. I understand your need to disappear for a bit, but please dont say you have nothing of value to say. You are the one person who always makes an effort to make everyone else feel valued. So anything you say, even a quick "hello" is valued. Honey, I know as well as anyone, that each and every cat is as precious as the other. I'm so, so sorry, and I do know what you are going through right now.


just bob said...

I'm so sorry Suzanne. Take the time that you need to grieve. Be strong... I'll keep you in my thoughts.

® ♫ The Brit ♪ ® said...

Dear Suzanne,
I am so sad to hear about your terrible loss! But be sure that Newman is following you everywhere...
All the wonderful words in the world can't make you feel better I know...

When my little Golden Retriever Harry died of a blood infection at 6 months old I was heartbroken and still get very upset just thinking about him or talking about him, and this is after 3 years...
you see Harry truly was my little baby, he would follow me everywhere and even used to wait for me on the bathroom rug as I took a shower.
He had such an incredible bond with me, we understood each other without the need for words... just a look said it all, we were like soul-mates.
I often remember his sad little eyes, full of pain in his last days when the vet said nothing could be done and he would still find the strength to follow me and ask to sit on my lap... he died in my arms too that day and I couldn't stop crying for weeks remembering his final look of love for me... Oh God now I'm crying here.

My thoughts are with you and I hope you feel a bit better soon, but I know exactly how you are feeling....
Hugs and Kisses,
Donnie X
(By the way I live in Brasil)

Anonymous said...


Take all the time you need, my dear. I'm sorry Newman had to leave. Try to remember the many wonderful years together and that he is never very far away. He is right there in your heart.

We're thinking about you.


hnter1018 said...

Suzanne sorry to here about Newman. He'll be waiting on the other side of the Rainbow bridge

Suzanne said...

I'm so afraid I might erase this before I finish, but hope I don't. I want to thank each and every one of you for your kind words and love. I'll answer each and every comment when I'm better, for now I'll just give you an overall impression of this day. Two sucks. But something beautiful compelled me to log on to the computer and check here despite my reluctance, and I'm so happy I did because all of you make this pain easier.

I woke this morning on the sofa after we all had a horrible night of virtually no sleep (including T-Bone who's a REAL sleeper!) to find everyone in my family around me. On the sofa, on the floor, on the coffee table, etc. I sat up, put my feet on the floor and buried my head in my hands and sobbed because I knew it hadn't been a dream. That somehow I had to get up and embrace a new day and do so without Newman for the first time in 13 years. I felt as if I could melt into the floor, but T-Bone came to my aid and some kitties rushed to my side and I knew I couldn't behave as if I had no responsibilites. I got up, gave everyone a hug and kiss and said "Okay, let's start this day." And so we did.

It's been heartbreaking and numbing. How many times have I fed Newman? Thousand and thousand. Hugged him? Cleaned up his mistakes, petted him? Thousand and thousands. There were times today I forgot he wasn't here and did things as I normally do only to realize he wasn't. Everyone's struggling to get through this. Newman was the Alpha Male. Even above T-Bone. T-Bone visited the grave with me numerous time today and is aware Newan's under the soil. He lays on the ground and looks at the earth as if Newman's just going to come crawling out. It breaks my heart. Rob took him out tonight for the first time and when he returned said "T-Bone knows Newman's there, I think he can smell him." I smiled and said "Yes." T-Bone's a very sensitive, kind boy and understands everything. And that's why I'm writing this.

I was just walking through the kitchen from the laundry room and saw Newman on the breakfast room table and said "Hey honey." Then realized Newman's dead. T-Bone was laying on the rug in the kitchen and I said "T, do you see Newman?" He got up and walked over to the table and put his head on Newman's tush pad. I knew I hadn't imagined it. I'll tell you why. Because it's happened before. Our neighbor's cat died about a year ago after a long illness. We all loved him so much and the loss was very painful. The day after his death I told his mom he had visited. She seemed upset, but didn't say why. Two days later T-Bone and I were working in the yard and I saw Wally by one of the hydrangeas and said "Hi honey, how are you baby? I thought I was going nutty, but I have a sixth sense and see things. I turned to T-Bone and said "T, do you see Wally or is it just me?" He got up, walked over to the hydrangea and sat next to Wally. I nearly died. It wasn't just me. I told his mom that evening and Veronica was so upset. She's Catholic and said "It means something's wrong and he can't pass to the other side, he's in limbo." I said "I don't think so because he looks really good! He just wants to hang out with us because you know how much he loves my garden." I believe that to this day. Wally was just Wally, hangin' out with us and enjoying the sunshine. T-Bone knew he was there and I knew he was there. He was as real as this comment. We never saw him after that. He had come to say goodbye. I believe that with all my heart. Just as I believe Newman will stop by often before finally leaving for good. I don't mind a bit. It's nice to have him here again.

The hole he left is so big, you know? I called Charlie and Renee tonight to tell them, but only got their answering machine. I was reluctant to leave something so important on the machine, but had to because I didn't want Renee to read about Newman on my blog. I wanted her to hear my voice. I knew two months ago I would lose Newman and it was Renee who told me "It isn't what happens at the beginning or end, it's all the stuff that happens in the middle, and Newman has had a great life. She would know, because before me and Rob, there was Renee and Charlie. They rescued him after he'd been abandoned in the neighborhood. The joke is he picked us because we had better food! True!!! But really, we would never have had Newman without Renee and Charlie to love his first.

This has been an amazingly painful day and I don't expect the next few weeks or months to be much different. But I talked to Cece today and after losing both her dad and sister, she reminded me that some days are good. Brillaint!

XO to all, and thanks so much for just stopping by, offering encouragement, showing love, and for always leaving me feeling better than when I arrived. We'll all get through this together, and when you need me, I'll be there for you as well.

With so much love,

P.S. Rob did something beautiful. We buried Newman with a card and his favorite stuffed heart. I wrote the card, but saw Rob write in it before it was put in the envelop. I took a peek. He wrote,
"Hello Newman.
Goodbye Newman.
I love you.

A Brit in Tennessee said...

With tears streaming down my face, I feel your loss ....
My heart is heavy for you.
I have lost three beautiful, beloved cats this past year, they lived long, happy lives, but illness and age, is not a good combination.
Your little Newman, will be always by your side, and forever in your heart, he'll be waiting for you, of that I am certain.
{Hugs} my friend...

kylie said...

lots of love to you suzie


Cece said...

I must have known. I'm sorry my phone call interrupted the sad moment. I don't really have words for comfort, because I don't think any exist. Just know that I know the loss that you are experiencing all too well. And even though we are like 15 states away, I am here for you. You are such a kind,and gentle soul, yet you are strong and I am confident that you will find your way through this grief. And if you can't find you way alone, then reach out to all of us and we will help guide you back to the sunshine. Don't ever forget the love and peace and happiness that you gave to Newman. His life was lived to the fullest and he had an easy, peaceful life. One that I wish so desperately for myself. I would love to be one of your cats. Pampered and loved and well cared for. But alas, I am only human, with human follies, and an adult human at that with human problems. But I am also a friend, so lean on me if you must. Also, give Rob my love. Tell him that I know he is hurting too. Take care of yourself, many are counting on you.

Much love,

Karen ^..^ said...

Oh, Honey, I hope it gets better soon. How well I know that pain. I have felt it twice in two years.

My poor Scaredy boy, and his mother, Kittenface were so dear to me, I had Scaredy since he was born, and Kittenface since she was a tiny kitten.

They both had an auto immune disorder, and it caused the red blood cells to drastically reduce, rendering them anemic and weak, and unable to eat. The meds are what ultimately destroyed Scaredy. He developed a stricture in his esophagus, which closed it up, and was unable to eat solid food. For 4 months, three times a day, I'd grind up a can of cat food with water, making him a "fish smoothie" and he'd eat it that way. One day, it was just time to take him to the vet. He was ready, worn out. I cried for weeks, every time I went into the kitchen, because he'd be waiting there for me.

I'm getting a lump in my throat just writing this. He died January of 2007, and poor little Kittenface followed her darling boy in July of 2008. I still have her daughter, Kimba. She seems to be fine. She's ten years old now, and a grand old gal. Still plays. Still picks up a hair scrunchie as if it were a kitten, and meows with it in her mouth.

Your pain will lessen, and you will grow even more in love (if that is possible) with the kitties you are still blessed with. They are such a gift. They teach us so much. Not many people understand the gift that is pet ownership. You get it, and that is what is important. It's a painful balance at times. For all the joy we get from them, we get unimaginable pain when they go. I'm so sorry. Love you, sis.

Shell said...

I'm so sorry about Newman's death. I lost my childhood cat many years ago. Her death hit me and my mom hard. I understand exactly how you feel.
The award you designed was lovely. I'm glad you approve that Maithri graciously gave it to me. I will find a poem for you to fit how Newman meant to you. Take care.


Debbie in CA : ) said...

Sweet, Sweet Friend,

SO sorry for your loss. Your expressions of sorrow and pain are healthy and to be expected.

I so enjoyed your latest comment spree on my blog. Your lively approach to life, threaded with such honest verve and zing always brings a smile to my face and a glow to my heart. Though we share little in common at a surface glance, our hearts beat as kindreds. The joy of friendship flows mightily through this bloggy-kingdom and I am continually blessed and overjoyed to ride the rapids of posting and sharing and the joining of community across the world.

We all hold you in our thoughts and prayers during this difficult time. I will be away from blogging for a bit (a trip to SF with the Littles) but I'll be back to check on you next week.

Much love to you, my grieving friend,

The Mexican meat-filling recipe was a whimsical combo of chuck roast, can of diced tomatoes, can of diced chilies, chopped onions, half a jar of tequila-lime salsa and a long slow simmer in the dutch oven. It can be eaten as a stew or strained a bit for taco filling. It's delish! Be bold and experiment -- cooking is art!

Walker said...

I'm sorry to hear about Newman.
He went while in the arms of those who loved him.

Travis Erwin said...

So sorry for your loss.

Queen Goob said...

I love you, too. No words can fix the hurt so know that we're here for you.


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