Newman would be proud of Mommy today/Newman would be disappointed in Mommy today...

I'm writing because I have to. Otherwise I think I'll go totally insane.

This is a photo of me going over the bridge at the state park as I'm leaving. Now imagine me coming into the park as I'm arriving. I've just come off the freeway, I'm coming from the left and making a right into the park. It's a blind turn as you come around the corner so speeding isn't an option because there are usually bicylists, joggers or homeless along the walkway and one has to be careful.

I was late to the park today. The latest I've ever been because I'm exhausted and have a horrible headache. Coping with the loss of Newman is horrid and I don't think I'm doing it well. I cried on the way to the park, so as I turned the corner I was surprised to see a guy on a bike in the middle of the road and nearly hit him. I slammed on my brakes and my horn. He turned around, saw me, but never moved. I had to drive into the opposite lane to go around him. It's a beautiful warm day and I had the windows down and told him "you're an idiot!"

I drove to my usual spot, got out and was preparing to feed the kitties when I saw him. He'd taken my road. He could have taken three other roads to the bike path, but he took mine. He wasn't a racer, just an average guy riding a bike for pleasure. As he came toward the car I yelled "Get the hell away from me. I could have killed you today because you are so irresponsible, just get the hell away from me." I was at the back of my car at that point and he stopped at the back of my car and said "Lady, you're a moron, you were speeding and you don't understand the rules of the State Park because if you did you'd know I have every right to be in the road." I wasn't speeding and told him "If you've ever come through this entrance with a car, you know it's impossible to speed coming off that turn so don't try to intimidate me, and no, you have absolutely no right to be in the center of the road and not move to the right when a car approaches. Get away from me. You're wrong and you know it, so just get the hell away from me." Keep in mind, this is just an average, attractive early 30 something year old coming to the park to enjoy a bike ride. He said "You are a stupid fucking bitch." I was in the trunk at the moment getting out my running shoes (because I wear my flip flops to the park) and just looked at the container of oil, the container of coolant, the bag with the battery cables, the rug, the plastic bag, my shoes, my socks and I felt salty tears flow out of my eyes. I tried to pause and compose myself before I turned to confront him. I saw Newman and he said "Mommy, I love you." I turned around and he was so close I didn't even have to move. I was crying and said "Get out of my face, how dare you." He didn't move. I took my right hand, pointed my right finger and jabbed it into his arm and said "GET. OUT. OF. MY. FACE." He replied "Now that's assault and battery, I'm going to have to call 911." I replied "No, that wasn't assault and battery, this is, and jabbed him harder. Now get the hell away and leave me alone." Instead he called 911.

The state park police arrived, then the state police then the local police. Yup, tons and tons of cars and trucks all surrounding my beautiful little black Mercedes and an asshole. I started to explain but the guy broke in with lies. I told the officer "You know what, there aren't enough hours in my day for this sort of crap, let him tell the story, I have kitties to feed and I'm late, whatever happens happens, I'll pay the fine." I was asked for my license, I replied "Don't arrest me, it's expired!" He took my license and said "Don't worry." I went back to the car and prepared to feed my kitties. I didn't listen or hear a thing because I didn't want to. Let him tell his story, the truth would prevail. As I was preparing for the kitties I realized some of my favorite people in the world were at the park. I hadn't noticed because I'd been dealing with an idiot. There is a local center for physically challenged youth who come to the park probably 3 times/week. They usually walk the bike path so are rarely sitting around at picnic tables, but there they were. I waved to everyone because we all know one another so well and they waved back. Then two bicylist stopped by to say hi because they were concerned I was being arrested for feeding kitties. The cops told them to move along, but they refused. We had a beautiful conversation about kitties they'd discovered on the new bike trail on the other side of the river and think need attention. When they left I put food near my physically challenged friend and an attendant approached me and said "Are you okay?" I replied "I don't know. That guy won't leave me alone and he called 911, but I have to feed the kitties, so that's what I'm doing." She gave me a hug and said "We love love you."

I went back to the car and another officer approached me. He said "We've been told you threw a punch that landed and we'll have to arrest you." I went insane. No really. I did. I ran to that little sissy and said "You MF how dare you lie about me. YOU TELL THEM THE TRUTH. THIS IS MY LIFE!!! I have cats to feed, a family at home, TELL THEM THE FUCKING TRUTH...THIS IS MY LIFE." I lunged at him. I admit it. I could have killed him with my bare hands. Honestly, I could. A stocky hispanic officer grabbed me in mid flight, twisted my hand and I knew I was is horrible trouble. I was escorted to the police vehicle and a camera was turned to record my every move. I didn't move. I simply buried my head in my hands and cried. I've never done anything wrong in my whole life and there I was in a cop car and knew that if things didn't work out was on my way to County Jail. I was asked:
"Are you on any meds?"
"No."
"Have you been on meds?"
"No."
What's wrong? Because your reaction was extreme? Has there been a death in the family?"
"Yes, we had to bury our kitty yesterday."
"Was he an old friend?"
"Yes."
"Well that could explain your reaction."
I replied,
"No, it can't. I'll tell you what caused this...I can't stand a lie. What that guy told you is a lie. I poked him. That's all I did. I would never hurt another living soul. I poked him very hard and told him to get away from me. That's all I did. Just get away from me. Why am I here? I don't belong here, please don't do this to me. Please. He said "I did this because you lunged at him and I had to protect him, that is my job." I said "Who's here to protect me?" He left the car and I buried my head in my hands and sobbed. I never felt so alone in my life. I really believe I was going to County Jail without feeding all the ferals and with everyone at home alone. I felt as if I was going to die. About a half hour later the door opened and I was told to get out. Then was told that I'd told the truth. The attendents who care for the phyically challenged saw the whole thing and came to my rescue. Said I'd only "poked" him and heard "get away from me." They saved me.

If they hadn't been there I'd be in County Jail right now. When I was told to "get out" I was also told I'd told the truth. I said "why would I lie?" What about the way I look makes you think I would lie? The officer said "There are always two sides to a story and we have to listen. Did we think you were lying? No, but we had to listen and when you lunged, we were concerned. But when X verified your story, we knew the truth."

I walked to X and gave him the biggest hug and he said in my ear, "We saw it and knew what was happening and we would never let that happen."

That in a nutshell is my park and all the people who grace it. They always resue me and I'm so grateful. I would never be able to do what I do without all of them. Life is so beautiful.

And yes, the guy on the bike was asked to leave and all the officers stayed to protect me while I fed the ferals. When I got back to the car we embrace, alot! One said the most beautiful thing, "To see you smile made it all worth it."

I'm still smiling because I'm so grateful for dear friends. This was a hard day, but life is beautiful. I know I'm here for a reason.

With much love to you all,
Me

P.S. Yes, I will respond to all the comments down below. Thanks for taking the time to write.

P.P.S. While typing this the doorbell rang. UPS. Hunter (Rob) I love y0u and your family more than you know. What a beautiful, thoughtful, kind gift. I love you guys. REALLY, I DO!!! *Hangs head.*