Saturday, September 26, 2009


Yes, I am. I've been navigating various landscapes, but this is where I belong. Why? I don't know. But I exhale and know this is the most comforting place. I know many of you have smiles on your face. I know.

I have a funny Discovery Park story. Why else are we here???!!! Okay, it started yesterday. I went as always, but ran into a whole hell of a lot of fences. A HUGE concert over the weekend. Nothing new. I've been through them. The front gate attendant told me to just swivel every gate and get through. I did. I was up at my first station when I noticed a guy on a golf cart eyeing me. I waved. He didn't wave back. He asked what I was doing. I said "feeding the ferals." He was a young kid and I don't think I gave him much respect. Then I thought I heard him say "I'm going to lock you in." I shook the cobwebs out of my brain and though, "You kidding dude?" I finished what I was doing, then drove the car up the trail and finished there too. I drove back, only to find the f****** gate locked with zippie ties. You know me. I stood there a few minutes then I went to the car, found the scissors and cut every fucking one (4). I was so pissed. He came flying up and asked what I was doing. I told him to get out of my fucking face. How rude. He called me rude for cutting through his ties. I nearly strangled him. I looked him in the eye (really) and said "Look at me, you will remember this day all the days of your life. You fucked with the wrong woman. I have more power than you ever will and support from every person at this park." He wouldn't move out of my way and I said, "You fucked with the wrong woman, now get out of my fucking way." You all know me in blogger land. I have never been that pissed. Never. He held the gate open and I drove through while his partner was up in arms. The hell with both of them. I seriously have never been that angry. I could have plowed them down with Black Beauty and not given it a second thought. Yes, that's how pissed. He actually had the nerve to say to me, "I won't be seeing you tomorrow, will I." Hummmmmmmmmm. I replied, "Oh honey, you have no idea." This morning I was escorted in by the head park ranger. Pricks will always be pricks. Always. And I will always be in like flin. Amen.


Anonymous said...

Hey welcome home Suze- I have a big smile on my face. Those other landscapes just don't shape up!

I am so impressed you had scissors in your car!

Hoes the ankle BTW?

Anonymous said...

typo,sorry- that should how's the ankle...

Megan said...

That kid has no idea who he's fucking with!!!!


Abi said...

A woman should always carry scissors, you never know when someone will need and impromptu haircut :D

You are a brave lady! Woo!

I have a smile on my face too :)

otin said...

Nice to see you again! How are the injuries healing? I think that the kid did not realize that you were a different kind of cougar! LOL! He got a wild cat by the tail!!! hahaha!

krystyna said...

After reading your post I became stronger and brave. Today I'm going to buy scissor.
True:Pricks will always be pricks.

Thank you for this post, Suzanne!

Relax today... I wish you beautiful Sunday!

the walking man said...

Officious pompous little pricks with a logo on their chest should be knocked to the ground and face forced into the shit they produce. Good for you kiddo.

Karen ^..^ said...

Beautiful!!! I love it when snotty little upstarts get their comeuppance. LOL. No one had better stand in the way of SUPER SUZIE!!!

just bob said...

Maybe you should be negotiating with Iran instead of Hillary.

Suzanne said...


Thanks honey! I'm smiling too. No, the other landscapes don't shape up and I'm happy to be home. This really is where I belong. At least here I can write what I want and I'm not told I exceeded 50 damn words!!! What's up with that by the way. I told Alan "If I wanted to be an editor I would have studied it in college."

The ankle sucks. I'm in a great deal of pain. In fact before coming here I was talking to it and asking what it wants from me. It's been six weeks, believe it or not, and I've moved forward, but not forward enough. I'm doing something wrong. I've gotta figure this out because I can't go on like this. This is really nasty. Any suggestions?

Have a great day,
XO ;)

Suzanne said...

We don't pay any attention to typo's here. Have you noticed?!

Suzanne said...


That's too funny!!! You have a kid, so you know that moment where you just stand there...thinking...and inside you're fuming...but you stand there...thinking...because you don't want to kill him with your bare hands!!! Swear to God, that was me. I stood there looking at him with scissors in one hand and 4 zippie ties in the other, and I didn't move. I just stood there and looked at him until I found my voice. I said "How the hell'd you expect me to get out?" He replied "We locked you in so you couldn't." Pause. I remember just looking him up and down and thinking, inhaling, and then I said "You're a fucking prick. I'm twice your age and you think I don't have experience with stupid fucking pricks?" And that was it, I was done. My gloves were off. I'd given him time to redeem himself and he was too stupid to realize he had a second chance.

He'll never forget me. Of that, I am absolutely confident. Nor the lesson because I told him at some point " use common sense and have a conscience." Little brat!!!!!!

Have a beautiful day sweetie. :)

Suzanne said...


WOO!!! Hi honey!!! I carry two weapons: really sharp scissors and a whistle. Not that I'll ever need them at the park, but I carry them. I remember the moment when I saw the zippie ties and started to laugh. I thought "You kidding you little freakin' sissy, I have scissors!!!" Now I don't carry a bolt cutter, so a chain would have deterred me!

Yes, I think every woman should carry scissors. I have a very small, sharp pair. I can not tell you how often they've come in handy. Put a pair in your car. You'll never regret the decision!

And I'm smiling too. I belong here. It's funny how it feels so comforting. It feels like home. I love you darling. Hope all is well. I'll visit soon.

Much love,

Suzanne said...

Otin! Ha!!! That whole "cougar" stuff cracks me up. I can honestly say that kid will never forget me. Never. And he shouldn't because it was a lesson in how to be courteous and kind and I know he understood at the end. He also learned every swear word on the planet! That has to count for something! Swearing 101. That's just beautiful. Well, until Bindi gets here and makes me feel really guilty.

Happy Sunday my dear. Nice to be back and nice to have you here as always.


Suzanne said...


You know, it's funny because I hurried back this morning to delete it. I was so afraid I'd offend someone. But my "crew" is the best and you didn't disappoint. And you in particular. You made me laugh so hard. Yes, a prick is always a prick. Why is that so sweetie?

I realize I meet so many different types of people and every encounter is a lesson. I've been trying to figure out my lesson because I saw him again this morning. He was terribly respectful and kind. When I left him the other morning I parted with these words: "To you this is a game, but it's not to me. This is my life. This is what I do every day and it matters a great deal. I want you to look at me and remember my face because you will never forget me. We were destined to meet because we're supposed to learn something from one another." When I saw him this morning and we spoke, I knew he'd heard every single word. I smiled before leaving him and he smiled back. We both knew. It was a good lesson and I'm so grateful for this blog because it allows me to vent. And all my darling friends listen, comment and make me stronger. I like that. But honestly, what I like most is that we're all opinionated and we don't pussy foot. When I do wrong, I know within minutes!!! I love that about our blogging community.

I cherish you darling. Thank you for your kind words. They matter so very, very much. Give Mom a hug for me. What's she doing in Canada?

XO!!! ;)

Suzanne said...


Well, I didn't go that far!!! You know it's funny because he didn't lock the gate in front of me, he waited till I was gone. I thought..."You little coward." Oh you bet I let him know!

XO ;)

kylie said...

"pricks will always be pricks"

thank heavens!

:) :)

Cece said...

I'm not saying you were in the wrong here, because you were not, but I worry about you. What was Rob's reaction to this situation? For some reason, I think he thought the same thing I did. I am glad you got out of that confrontation unscathed, and I hope that little chit learned his lesson. "Dynomite comes in small packages, but nitroglycerin comes in glass." Please remember that the world is an evil place and sometimes there are moments when we should turn the other cheek. It's just that sometimes it's hard to tell which to do until it's too late and we have made the wrong decision. Take care of yourself, my little lioness.

Mr. Shife said...

Yep that kid messed with the wrong lady. He doesn't know about your awesomeness and I am sure glad you let him have it. I wish I could have been there to see you lay into him. Take care my dear.

e said...

Great story with a better ending than I would have predicted. You are fabulous. Now, if only we could figure out what's up with the ankle????

Hang in there...

Suzanne said...

Cece, Rob was proud! And honey, I couldn't turn the other cheek because I had to get out. That little bastard locked me in. Can you believe it? He freakin' locked me in with no way out!!! His ass is lucky I didn't use my Mobster 2 arsenal on him!!! Little shit head. I could have killed him. I really don't think I've ever been that angry. And yes, I've become more of a diplomate since the last incident at the park, but trust me, this was not a time for diplomacy. I should have plowed him over with Black Beauty. F****** punk. HE LOCKED ME IN!!! And I would have had the complete support of every ranger and worker at the park. This year, the crew was nasty and there were tons and tons of complaints. It wasn't just me baby. Trust me.

I've calmed down since because on Saturday I was escorted in like royalty and on Sunday I saw the little shit again and he treated me with complete respect. I learned a valuable lesson. Always carry scissors. Always. :)

Suzanne said...

My darling Mr. Shife. You understand me. That is awesome. I wish you could have been there too because 4 hands are better than 2!!! Baby, I think I'm bein' screwed by the man!!! My luck has to change.

Love you so very much,

Suzanne said...


My ankle sucks. I'm not staying off it enough. Alan was flown out here to help me. I think I've worked harder with him here! He's leaving tomorrow, so perhaps I'll get time to put my foot up!!! I really think that's my problem. I'm supposed to be resting it every day and I don't. It hurts as much today as the first day. That't not good.

Funny story. I stopped to talk to the pharmacist today and ask about scar gell. I asked if my scar was ready. She said "No, not even close." What? It's been 7 freakin' weeks...I'm so screwed!!!

Thanks for the support darling. It matters. You guys crack me up! I love you! XOXOXOXOXOXO

Anonymous said...