Saturday, February 19, 2011

The first anniversary of Gary's death.

There are days you just want to hide your head in a blue and white planter, but you can't because life just keeps coming at you. I was so blue today until talking to Mom. She made me laugh so hard. On this day, my mother made me laugh. That is one hell of a woman. Why? Because she was able to make me feel something other than pain, even through her own. I told her about posting on Facebook last night. She asked if I'd removed everything. I said "Yes." She was grateful. She reminded me that life isn't perfect and we're all dealing with so much pain. To be patient. To have faith. On a day I should have been supporting my mother, she was supporting me. Mom's are so amazing. My mom is so gracious and kind to me. I love how she encourages me, how she makes me laugh, how she sees so far beyond my vision. Her soulfulness, wisdom, understanding, love.
Why am I here? Because it's like a sanctuary. It's a beautiful place. When I come back I remember what it was like to be in this space. To have so many amazing friends around me. All the laughs. All the fun I had before being introduced to Facebook. So on this day, where do I come? Here. It represents a happier time in my life and Mom told be today, I have to find my way back, and she's right because I can't go on with this much pain. Gary's never coming back. Ginny and Roy may never pick up the phone. That's the reality. She said "Suzanne, you have a choice..." (Although it's my birth name, Mom never calls me Suzanne unless she means business and trust me, she meant business.) So, I'm a Blogger again. I like that. And now I'm off to visit Kylie and ask for a prayer.

11 comments:

Joyful Jo said...

I miss having those chats with my mum & stepmum. I'm glad you can still do this. Unfortunately i'm inclined to use helen as my sounding board which i try not to do with her. She has enough problems these days. Thinking of you always. ((((hugs)))

kylie said...

you can have a prayer anytime, babe

Snowbrush said...

Kylie? I know Kylie.

I'm so happy you have a wise and loving mother. What a blessing!

just bob said...

Hi Blottie :)

Mykuljay said...

Welcome back dear one...it is indeed a place of comfort and to actually communicate both ways - with those who care. And we do.

Suzanne said...

You know Jo, I could always pick up the phone and talk to my mother in law. She was one of the greatest women on this planet. Now that she's gone I feel all out of sorts. When I was all wacky last night and writing on Facebook, my sister in law wrote me privately to tell me she loved me very much, and that I would be okay. Her's is a very calming voice as well. It was almost like having Mom here, but different. I remember exhaling. Yes, it is important to have a sounding board. A strong one because it's important that you face truth. I love you dear. I do. And yes, be gentle with Helen because she's obviously overwhelmed. We're here. ;)

Suzanne said...

Kylie, I love you. Thanks. When I arrived at your Blog I almost panicked. For some reason I didn't see it. Perhaps because I'm in a very wierd fog today. I didn't think of my prayer, I though about Hilary and all my conversation with her missing. It's so funny what one worries about. Do I still miss her? Yes. Thank you for that place.

Suzanne said...

Snow, you know that amazing woman too! Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!! She's a KEEPER!! And so is my Mom. You face challenges every day, you know. Strength, faith, hope, they're amazing and even more so when a mother encourages you to embrace them. I look at my mom with so much respect. I know Gary was her favorite. Mom's never admit it, but they have one. On this day and throughout the year, she has been a rock, despite her own pain. I have so much admiration. Yes, she is a blessing. Much love to you dear.

Suzanne said...

Mykuljay, hummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Thanks. I like what you wrote very much. This is an awesome place. I haven't looked in a long time, you know? But to see it matters. To be here matters. To be able to write whatever I want, matters. I like all the pink!!! XO

Megan said...

Hi honey.

Suzanne said...

Hi baby.