Friday, September 30, 2011
Mestro is dying. He has cancer. I was asked to euthanize him a month ago after talking to the vet and the techs. I couldn't do it. I said, "Give me a month." The month is up. I needed to be with him. I wasn't ready to let him go. I'm still not, but yesterday I called, so Wednesday at 7 pm. I honestly can't believe that that's what I'm going to do. I love him so much. I talked to a dear friend today and asked if I'm doing the right thing. He said "Yes." But I almost feel sick. Those of you who know, know he is probably one of the greatest cats that ever lived. His nic name is Gandi. I can't imagine life without him, but I can't hurt him or make him suffer. So I'm just sitting here thinking about life. The choices you have to make. The losses you endure. Will you ever know if you made the right decision? There are so many questions and most of you know me, I think deeply. I'm going to euthanize him in five days and so every minute matters. So he and I just sit around a lot and love one another. I know he knows. I can feel it. He's so smart and kind. I want to turn back the hands of time, but I'm so grateful that he blessed our lives. That boy taught me one whole hell of a lot about life and grace.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Every day I wake, or with menopause just think without sleep and I hit the ground running. It doesn't change. Always something. And not just one thing, a multitude. You simply know that when your feet hit the floor it starts all over again. Daunting? Yes. Heavy. Yes. I haven't told you, but Meastro is dying. There's that. I can't euthanize him yet. I know I will find the moment. But it's not "yet." I returned from the park this morning. I went early because life is so crazy busy and I needed time to get "stuff" done after the park. I did my marketing at around 9 am and was selecting a begal. There were two very attractive guys buying fresh baked bread at the, well, I guess, "fresh baked" department. But I was busy wondering "WHERE THE HELL'S MY ONION BAGEL???" I was working on selecting something else when they showed up near me. One guy said, "Hi." I looked up and said "Hi." He said, "Nice pants." Swear to god! I was trying to find my bagel and I looked at him. He was looking at my boobs and saying that. I don't recall any guy in my life talking to me and looking at my boobs while doing so. I almost started to laugh. You know me, but I didn't want to be rude!!!!!! I simply said "Thanks," and got out of Dodge.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
There are days you think very hard about life. For me, today was one. I've seen a bunch of teenagers at the pravillion where I park to feed the ferals. A few days ago they waved when I got out of the car. I liked that. Today as I got out, a girl approached me with a puppy and asked if I had any food. Of course I did. But it was cat food. The dog is beautiful. I got down on my knees and he was so beautiful and gentle. He hadn't eaten and that concerned me, so I gave her what I had and said that once I fed the kitties I'd buy him food. His name is Emmit, her name, Taylor. I did what promised. They were leaving the park as I exited and I was worried, so I stopped near the river and asked "Where do I leave the food?" I was told they'd be back at the pravillion by the time I returned from WalMart. They were. Everyone came out to greet me. All teenagers and homeless. They were so amazing and so beautiful. I swear to god I thought I would die, but I didn't. We all shook hands, we all introduced ourselves. I asked, "Why are you here? This kills me." The reply, "Our parents suck." I know there are horrible parents. I do. Working on cases with Rob, I know. To see such beautiful kids trying to find their way and winter is approaching. Homelessness isn't fun and I don't think it's a choice. I have so many friends who are wealthy. I wonder what they do? With all that money. Vacations, 2nd and 3rd homes. But in the end, what did you do?